Things about VC that I never want to forget #8
Sharing clearly isn’t a requisite for caring
There’s a lot being said about the dynamics of marriage on a couple of blogs I follow. And here’s what I love about this crazy little world I call blogdom. It gets me thinking about things I wouldn’t otherwise given too much thought. Things like am I really independent? How much of what I earn/own do I share? If we decide to part ways, who gets what? Which of our common purchases can I call my own? Heavy duty marriage stuff. The kind of thing one really ought to consider before entering into holy matrimony. Not five years in. Anyhoo, so I came to the conclusion that we may have skipped a few steps.
You see matters came to light, when we went to watch Matru Ki Bijli Ka Mandola last week, and VC walked in with a tall serving of caramel pop-corn. He settled into the seat next to me, bugged me to turn my phone on silent (as usual) and as the trailers rolled along, I leaned in to get a handful of pop-corn. And then I did it again. And again. And three handfuls later, there was a voice in the dark that said, “Get your own!”
To say I was shocked and shaken up, would be an understatement. But I let it pass.
A few nights ago, we had dessert ordered-in. It baffles my mind how the kind folks at Basin Robbins are happy to come by and bring us ice cream, no matter how late it is. So when someone is willing to bring ice cream right to your doorstep, you don’t turn down the opportunity. No matter that it is nearing midnight. But as luck would have it, I was passing out slowly, by the time the ice cream did arrive. Nodding off, I watched as VC slurped his scoop of Bavarian Chocolate, and through half-closed eyes, I asked for just one bite. Again, there was the voice in the dark again.
“Get your own!”
In that moment, it hit me. While we seem to be mostly sorted on banal issues of dependence, independence, co-dependence, interdependence and don’t quibble over money, how it is spent or worry about what will happen should we decide to break up, the more important stuff remains in the dark.
Here I was, patting myself and the husband for the rock-solid marriage we have. Built on the unshakeable foundation of love, trust, communication and understanding. But clearly I’ve left the things that matter out. The smaller, subtle nuances of how a marriage works. The stuff we really ought to have sorted right at the start.
Like who gets to sleep on which side of the bed, no questions asked.
Like sharing one side of the earphones when were watching TV shows in bed.
Like letting me have the first look into a common email.
Like who gets dibs on a gift given to us both.
Oh, and most important of all our respective ice cream and pop corn quotas. Till death do us part.
Sharing and caring aside, VC has some other remarkable traits. Some exemplary. Some outrageous. Some mildly funny. And you can see them here.
Hi Revati,
I read your blog regularly (daily to put it specific).
This cracked me up. I am a decade+1 into marriage and I learnt to tell “Get your own” after 3 years of marriage and I swear by it. Its just that I relish and take long time to finish and he inhales it in no time.
:) Just thought I would share!
I like your blogs.
TC,
Madhavi.
Im the kind who relishes, and he is the one who inhales. And also usually orders the bigger portion. And he STILL doesnt share :(
Thanks for leaving a comment, I love delurkers..
i don’t think many men like sharing food in general… and woman like to. for some things (desserts, beverages..hehe) i don’t like to order a “whole extra” thing just for myself when i know i just want a taste. but i’m a recipient of “order another one” or “get your own” quite often as well :D
Yeah!! Just a taste is spot on. I mostly only ever want a bite here and there. Its really not like i hog the entire thing. Theyre just selfish!!
Maybe its just with food. but you need to up the ante. Order a BIG tub of ice cream. Label it yours and then eat it, over weeks in front of him.
Or better yet – the cooking. Tell him to get his own.
We have the same occasional issue with the ex too, but the ex does all the cooking and we usually agree to share before hand
The big tub of ice cream idea is just genius! The cooking one – also genius, somethig i have considered but i stand to lose out. Because i spend so much time effort and money cooking stuff it would kill me if he had to spend more time effort and money eating out. And those things are precious to us both. Thankfully. Suchhayy conundrum i tell you!
no no, the cooking is a THREAT. it should not really be enforced. that would be petty. as petty as not sharing.
But the big tub – totally enforceable.
Okay totally writing to you for relationship advice henceforth. And il let you know how the big tub plan pans out.
Yes! I’ve always wanted to be an Agony Aunt
The earphones thing, try the Urban Ears Plattan headphones. You get to plug in another set of head/earphones into the Plattan ones and don’t have to share. Everyone’s happy :)
I LOVE nifty gadgets like this! *sends link to VC right away*
I inhale, I order the big portions and I don’t share. Did I tell you I like VC? :)
Ok so that means you two will gang up against me. Alright then. I shall jut make a mental note now only to buy massive quantities of dessert right before you decide to visit me. I will also neatly label and divide portions so there is no fight maroing :) fair?
What’s with passing on trade secrets on a public forum? You know I can read all this right?
And you can enjoy your tub for weeks. I’ll just get myself a flavour a day.
Muhahahaha
You dont read it unless i ask you to VC :P so we’re safe on that one. And now that you know, prepare yourself for whats to come muhuhahaha
Now THIS? This we want documented – this ‘what is to come’ bit. Sounds like fun :p
You’ll also have to wait for wat is to come now :P Posts take a while to get churned and formed in my head..sometimes long after said event has occurred.
VC is probably thinking “thankgodforsmallmercies”
:) I think VC and all the Cs’ in this household love to share.. But when it comes to dessert or more like something sweet, “Get your Own!”
*groan* ! now you’re blaming his genes?!! Or is that YOUR excuse for not sharing :P
No No.. It’s in the Chugh genes. No one shares dessert. It’s written.
Er, what have I done?
As for “get your own” I’m with VC on this. The one-taste types never just stick to one taste. Hmph.
Hehehe. But I dont get it. If you can share a lifetime of love and support and everything else..what is a taste (or two) of dessert going to do?!
Hahn, lifetime of love I can do. But leave my tummy out of it. Seriously though, I used to be one of the sharing types. But after one bite too many, leaving me with a crumb of my original piece of chocolate, I changed sides.
Poor thing..but im kind like that. My bites are really usually just a bite. Or two at max.
This reminds me of the time when Hubby refused to share his beer with me during our honeymoon. I remember thinking – “Oh no, I married a five-year-old!”
Two years into our marriage, he’s still the same, but it’s a little comforting to know that I’m not alone in this plight. :)
Oh yes. THAT too. Please refer to first post (#1) in this series, to know more.
Welllll I could suggest you take the bigger piece of what you make especially if it’s fish or chicken and extra extra yummy. Silent payback. He’ll never know.
But i only ever want a bite or two na
Oh girl. I need to put up what I frequently say to the Boy. Will do, on my blog. Sometime.
Oh yesss! Show me!
A friend faces this and has learnt to order extra by default knowing that his wife will be joining in