Things about VC that I never want to forget #8
Sharing clearly isn’t a requisite for caring
There’s a lot being said about the dynamics of marriage on a couple of blogs I follow. And here’s what I love about this crazy little world I call blogdom. It gets me thinking about things I wouldn’t otherwise given too much thought. Things like am I really independent? How much of what I earn/own do I share? If we decide to part ways, who gets what? Which of our common purchases can I call my own? Heavy duty marriage stuff. The kind of thing one really ought to consider before entering into holy matrimony. Not five years in. Anyhoo, so I came to the conclusion that we may have skipped a few steps.
You see matters came to light, when we went to watch Matru Ki Bijli Ka Mandola last week, and VC walked in with a tall serving of caramel pop-corn. He settled into the seat next to me, bugged me to turn my phone on silent (as usual) and as the trailers rolled along, I leaned in to get a handful of pop-corn. And then I did it again. And again. And three handfuls later, there was a voice in the dark that said, “Get your own!”
To say I was shocked and shaken up, would be an understatement. But I let it pass.
A few nights ago, we had dessert ordered-in. It baffles my mind how the kind folks at Basin Robbins are happy to come by and bring us ice cream, no matter how late it is. So when someone is willing to bring ice cream right to your doorstep, you don’t turn down the opportunity. No matter that it is nearing midnight. But as luck would have it, I was passing out slowly, by the time the ice cream did arrive. Nodding off, I watched as VC slurped his scoop of Bavarian Chocolate, and through half-closed eyes, I asked for just one bite. Again, there was the voice in the dark again.
“Get your own!”
In that moment, it hit me. While we seem to be mostly sorted on banal issues of dependence, independence, co-dependence, interdependence and don’t quibble over money, how it is spent or worry about what will happen should we decide to break up, the more important stuff remains in the dark.
Here I was, patting myself and the husband for the rock-solid marriage we have. Built on the unshakeable foundation of love, trust, communication and understanding. But clearly I’ve left the things that matter out. The smaller, subtle nuances of how a marriage works. The stuff we really ought to have sorted right at the start.
Like who gets to sleep on which side of the bed, no questions asked.
Like sharing one side of the earphones when were watching TV shows in bed.
Like letting me have the first look into a common email.
Like who gets dibs on a gift given to us both.
Oh, and most important of all our respective ice cream and pop corn quotas. Till death do us part.
Sharing and caring aside, VC has some other remarkable traits. Some exemplary. Some outrageous. Some mildly funny. And you can see them here.