No folks, I haven’t decided to quit blogging. No, I’m not suffering a case of writer’s block. No, I’m not bored or disinterested. I’ve just been caught up doing a bunch of mundane, every day things. The things that consume the moments that stack up and make weeks pass by like minutes. The kind of things that sound silly when you list them down, because I do, and then I look back and think fuck, what have I accomplished?! But they’re the things that add up and help accumulate days of peace, moments of satisfaction, piles of happiness. So much that you take it all for granted. Gobble it up as it comes at you, like a greedy happiness monster. You don’t even want to talk about it, share it, write about it.
So that’s what I have been up to. Living life. It’s been quiet around here. But not just here. It’s been quiet in life too. I venture out much less. I stay in a lot. And when I go out, I go out alone or with just a friend or two. When I’m home I am mostly doing dull things like chopping veggies, tidying up this corner and that, making the beds, getting the laundry back in before the rain starts again. And when I’m not doing that I have been baking like an ape in heat, reading in between mixing batter and hearing the timer go ting! and trying to get some work done too.
Just life, really.
A few of you wrote to ask if everything was alright. And every time this happens and someone writes in, it shakes me out of my reverie. Reminds me that I may not register it every day, but whether I like it or not, there are folks that check in here every day wondering why the next post hasn’t come in.
My friends in Goa also think I’ve “fallen off the grid” and that I am “becoming old”. Some wondered if “all was good in the hood?” and asked me “what’s the chakkar?” Then I feel the immense pressure of having to come back out and explain myself. Except I invariably realise I don’t have an excuse. No illness that consumed me, no frenetic work activities that took up all my bandwidth, no fancy holiday that whisked me away, nothing of the sort.
Just life. Just the plain old moments that occupy time and make up mundane, every day moments. Just trying to do a little regular life stuff and making time for the special stuff, before time runs out. Most days, even with just the regular list of to-dos, I find myself at the end of the day wondering why I couldn’t just be granted a couple more hours in the day. So I could squeeze in that post I wanted to write. So I could read a couple more chapters of the book. So I could manage a workout class everyday, instead of every alternate day. Prioritizing things is such a bitch, when you want to do it all. And yet someone’s got to do it. So prioritizing some stuff, invariably means neglecting other stuff. Prioritizing myself and my time has meant neglecting my social life a bit. Forgetting interaction temporarily. Being engrossed in what I have on hand. Selfish as it may seen, it’s been immensely satisfying.
So am I guilty for being away? No and yes, actually. No, because amidst the laundry and lunches and siestas and snoozes, I have been steadily getting a lot of things done. Things around the house that I have only talked about until now. Some small life plans that I have been scared to unfurl. And some work that I didn’t know I could pull off. Yes, because while I have been neglecting this space and let my blogging mojo flag, this happened.
Smack out of the blue, when I was least expecting it. So much so that when I received the first congratulatory tweet I dismissed it as spam. And then a couple more followed, and then there was a flurry of emails and messages and tweets. So I had to turn the flame on my fried rice low, put my spatula down, turn on the computer and see what the eff was going on.
Some one obviously pulled something off in my favour. I don’t know how else I could have won this. From the moment I nominated the blog (only because he forced me to) I had forgotten about it. I momentarily remembered, when I saw several of my favourite bloggers send out messages on fb asking for comments and support. I thought I should probably generate some activity too, but between not having consistent internet, a burned out laptop adaptor and well, life taking over, I didn’t get down to it. And I promptly forgot.
Until last night. When at the peak of my most silent phase, I realised I had won something for my incessant chatter here. So I had to come out and share the news. Let you know I’m fine, where I’ve been and most of all to give thanks. One doesn’t just become the Personal Blogger of the Year without being read. And that has been the single biggest validation for me. I’m back here explaining my silence, because you asked. I’m back here blogging, because you asked. I’ve been around and blabbering away for 7 long years only because you listened, and talked and shared and came back for more.
So the next time I slip into hibernation and you wonder if I’m dead, please write in. Please ask. Please remind me to come back and explain. Because most often, its nothing earth shattering that’s kept me away. It’s just life.