If an epiphany is a moment of utter clarity and revelation. Then I just had one. A sudden flash of joy. Of clarity of where it came from and how to hold on to it. I suspect it had something to do with leaving work on time. Getting home in 10 minutes, while the sun was still out (YES! I haven’t gotten over that shock myself as yet). But wait, it gets better…There was clarity in what I was going to do next. Dinner was cooked as if it was an orchestrated, pre-programmed routine. I just flowed right through it almost without a hiccup. And it was done and ready in 40 minutes flat. So there I was, with a large part of the evening still ahead of me. And no I wasn’t at work. No I wasn’t rushing back from work, worried about finishing dinner in time. And no, I wasn’t taking myself to the neighbourhood restaurant (because its too late to go home and cook) while gritting my teeth and complaining about how sick I am of eating out. I think the epiphany came form having complete control over my time, and doing what I please with it. And that my friends is the key to joy in my life.
If there is a fundamental reason I have felt so inconsolably tired and unhappy and displeased off late, it is this. The total lack of control over my time, what I do with it and what it leaves me with. Iv come to feel that my time is what I make of it. If I have let myself slip into this rut where I am constantly racing after time and deadlines, where my colleagues give me more work than I can chew and don’t feel it when Im calling out for help, then I am to blame. Because I have failed in managing my time, in channelizing my work and letting my colleagues know how much I can handle, without over-burdening myself.
So this is me now. Grabbing on to what I have had a taste of today. Hanging on to it for dear life, not letting it go. And promising to try and make it a habit. This is my life. And I get to call the shots. Happiness is really that. A habit. And Im going to make it a part of my everyday life.