Let’s talk

I wake up 20 minutes too late. Its a muggy gloomy morning. Somewhere in between sunshine and rainfall, my eyes refuse to let go, open up and see the grey new day. Much like the sun that refuses to shine wholeheartedly and the rain that pretends like it doesn’t want to come down. All I want to do is crawl back under the sheets for just a while longer. Sleep tugging at my eyelids, sloth tugging at my body. Not wanting to face the greyness outside.

When finally I do wake up, I wake up in a Coldplay kind of mood. Yup that’s me. Music to match every mood. Every kind of season.

I’m all about associations, when it comes to music. Every song, every album, every memorable track, every artist Iv ever listened to, is stacked away into a memory slot, along with similar and grouped associations. Mostly synchronised with times in my life, events, people I was with, things I did and went through, significant and not so significant incidents. Right from mundane everyday bus rides to an epic life changing car crash. Everything has a music tag of some sort. Whether its eccentric bouncy happy joy, or sombre thoughtful…there’s something to cover it all.

So in the musical jumble that is my head, Coldplay gets slotted together with all things monsoony. Rain, early grey (pun unintended) mornings, the mornings after the downpour, long drives in the rain, feeling contemplative lazy and stuck in a moment. But most of all this song takes me back to a time in my life when everything was grey and washed over by raindrops. When I stuck my bulky discman close to my heart, on long bus journeys to college. When X&Y was the flavour of the many months of quiet confusion, playing on loop through everything thing I did. In the bus, In class through camouflaged earphones. In the loo. In my room, where I hid myself. When day after day I switched two buses to go to a place I loathed. When I woke up and hit play instantly, and went to sleep with the stereo on sleep-time.

When hormone ridden angst took over everything. When running away seemed like the only option. When driving out into the night, not knowing where or why, seemed to make sense. When I told myself things were the best they possibly could be. When I believed that I really was all alone in the way I felt. When I oscillated between extreme loneliness and extreme joy. When I didnt know who I really was.

This is a lovely song for a day like today. When Im sitting here, so far away from where Iv been. Its a great feeling to look back on a time gone by, and thank your lucky stars that you picked up the courage and decided to move on.

Because rainy grey skies always part to bring in some light. Bring back the sunshine. Bring back the joy and life to where it really belongs. And then the track promptly changes again.


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