This morning, as I sat reading MMs well-articulated post, something that Iv shelved talking about this week quickly crystallised in my mind. Suddenly it struck me. the pieces fell in place and as I went through her beautifully crafted post and realised that it applied perfectly to the same thing I was befuddled by, struggling to put down in words.
How many of you have suddenly woken up one day in life, to realise that you are not really the person you think you are? (And no, no allusions to the supernatural or extra terrestrial there) How many of you have quickly outgrown your older self, discarding signs of your childhood, and some times of your childishness too? Making presumably grown up choices and discovering new facets to your personality, that you never knew existed?
For some, the shift is drastic and more, well, dramatic. And comes with the need to assert ones individualism. For the husband, 25 years of growing up in an environment that had more to tell and make you conform to, rather than listen and give you space to grow into who you are, finally breaking out and coming into his own, I realise, was probably more liberating than he thought it could be.
Early this week, he did something that can only be termed an assertion of his new found personality. He went and got himself yet another boy-toy.
Having known him for about 5 years now (I think I know him better than he does himself :P), this to my mind is validation of finally creeping his head out of the mould of a goody-two-shoes, cautious-with-everything-I-do, I-only-do-whats-right kind boy that I have known him to be. And turning into someone who gives in to an long burning desire, someone who chases a dream and makes it happen, regardless of what people around him might think. Because that’s who he really is. To be free, impulsive, out there, self-driven, living-in-the-moment. Its just fits better. Its true to his personality.
Its also something he’s wanted for as long as I have known him. As of Monday, the 4th of July 2011, he is the proud owner of Thunderbird. He was over the moon, and I was really happy for him. But only much later that night as we rode through Panjim and he waxed eloquent about how happy he really was, did I realise just what this actually means to him. Looking back on his life, he sighed, and said he wished he had let himself experience this liberation a long time ago. And that’s when it all fell into place.
The husband’s perceived sense of self has washed away. He is not about making calculated moves, like is usually told to most boys his age. He is not the kind to follow the path mostly taken by others his age and relatively in the same stage of life. He isn’t about to do what he’s told to, unless he believes in it and sees sense himself. He is about exploring the world, doing new things, seeing and feeling things people have been too afraid to try. And sometimes that takes a drastic move. Sometimes it takes doing just that and nothing short. Sometimes it takes listening to yourself and above all else, to feel that sense of freedom that only being true to yourself can let you feel.
To road trips in the rain, travelogues and so much more…Here we come.