The see-saw that is my life

Its the end of an extended weekend. And it feels like it has just slipped me by. Every night I go to sleep acutely aware that another day has been unconsciously ticked off the calendar. Every day that ends is a reminder that time is just passing by. Half the year is done. In a flash, just like that. Right before my eyes. Sometimes it feels like life is just happening. So much has been accomplished and yet there’s this gnawing feeling that much remains to be done. Like an itch I cant scratch.

My days are dotted with numerous instances of oh-I-wish-I-coulds and if-only-I-coulds and I-wonder-when-I-wills, and I wonder when I will just get down to it. The weeks that have nothing significant to look back on leave me feeling barren and restless. Whether its a memorable piece of work, or a good laugh shared with someone, a kitchen success, just some highlight of the week, I grow increasingly conscious of how my time is being spent.

The truth is, there’s just so much happening, sometimes I feel I cant get a grip on it. When the weekend draws by there’s this restlessness of wanting to pack as much as possible into the two days I have, given that I cant really control the rest of the week or what it has in store for me. So even if the concerted plan is to laze around and do nothing but watch TV till my eyes turn into marbles, or to catch up on my much-ignored, long-overdue reading, trying out a new recipe, catching that much-awaited movie, I like to have a plan and know what I am going to do. Just so I know Im not just ticking off time. There’s so much I want to do, so much that makes me happy, so many dreams, so much to learn. From wanting to dabble in stocks and shares, to buying an oven and setting all stifled baking energy free, to travelling to the far east, to taking a road trip with the husband, to visiting my parents, to perfecting watercolor painting, to..jeez, the list really does go on and on and on.

Something about this phase in life seems to be giving me the itches. To get off my ass and get going. And yet it is this very phase that makes me slow down take each step with caution, with a view of the future. While I seem to have lost some of my impulsiveness, creativity and my free-spirit has been set free.

You lose some and you win some, I guess. How many of you are toying with the see-saw that is this life?

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4 thoughts on “The see-saw that is my life

  1. You seemed to have summarized what I’m feeling at the moment – of feeling the restlessness whilst you’re already doing so much. Funny, this phase of life. I love it and watch it gnaw at me, being unemployed and strewn all over the place.

    And I’m happy I’m not the only one who feels this way.

    They’ve even come up with a ‘crisis’ for this stage of life. A pre mid-life crisis of sorts. :)

  2. i can so relate to this – i dont know when will i get to do all the art and craft, learn a few new languages, refine my painting/sketching skills,….and at the same time steal time for sudden whims like walk along the river, lazing on the lawns, and the list goes on…
    What is life if you are not itching to do something every minute! :)
    Btw, i simply love your blog! :)

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