And today, I’m feeling the unbelievable heat of the routine that I have fallen into. It’s building a wall around me, making it hard to breathe. It’s creeping up on me, choking me with its stale sameness. It’s waving the mundane schedule in my face, like a sick reminder of how slow and unchanging things are.
This morning for the first time in days I didn’t want to get out of bed. I just wanted to stay in and sleep. I didn’t want to face the day and the same routine. The same morning meeting. The same discussions. The same reviews. The same eDMs. The same people. The same fight for resources and time. I just wanted a refreshing change.
It’s official. I have hit saturation. And the ironic thing is, outside of work, I have a pretty active and healthy, diverse life. The why do I feel the weight of this rut? Why do I feel like I cannot stand to be around the same crowd anymore? Why do I feel like I cannot bear another brief? Why do I feel like its a Saturday, when its actually Friday?
And then it hit me. I have done nothing but this since December last year. That’s nine long months of trudging through the same bloody rut. I have hesitated to take a break. I have let the pressure build. I have chugged on, ignoring the signs of a brain that’s quickly growing weary. Tired of being told what to do and how quickly I must do it. Tired of waking up and walking through the same routine set of tasks day after day. The weekends pose such a relief, but then its back to square 1 when Monday chugs along.
It’s official. I need a holiday. I’m homesick for my parents. I’m homesick for some free time. I’m homesick for some solitude. I’m tired of being around people. I’m tired of constantly doing things.
I’m bound by projects the size of growing mountains, I’m bound by obscene airfares, I’m bound by the lack of leave, I’m bound by my own mind. I need a holiday and I cant seem to just take one.
It’s the only long weekend, and I just want out. I just want to get away. And next month, I want to go farther away. Take off and not come back for a while. To refresh myself, recharge batteries, rejuvenate my senses. And maybe, return.
Old Man up above, if you’re listening, I haven’t asked for anything in a long, long time now. If you’re feeling kind and wanting to grant me a wish, or make something I really want happen, now would be a good time. I really need a holiday. And while I’m gunning for Europe, I’ll settle for anything you’ll throw my way. I just need to get out and get going for a bit. Please, please just make all these realities of my life nonexistent for a while. Please just make time stop so I can take a breather. Please, please just take me away for a bit?
Or maybe, all I need is this.