Last week I had a series of rather absurd dreams that seemed to have no direct connection to anything in my immediate reality. Images of rushing to catch a flight and eventually missing it, being chased by packs of wild dogs, running like a headless chicken with some inconsequential people (not even people I work with) from work trying to reach an undisclosed location and eventually not reaching where we were supposed to, led me to consult dream dictionary online. Perhaps not the best resource to analyze what this absurd mix of themes could mean, but when dream dictionary told me that even my dreams pointed at the fact that I was ‘overwhelmed with pressures at work’ and that I was having a subconscious ‘fight of flight’ reaction to a ‘current pressure situation’, I figured a break was in order.
I would ideally have loved a break with no agenda. Just to sit at home and do nothing. Like I did this past Saturday, when it felt so good to let go and not think not cook not clean not worry not do anything for 2 whole days. While I really got to unwind, and I thought nothingness is something everything you need, I have also figured out the right formula to really unwind. Leave my office and associated preoccupations behind until the next day. And enjoy every evening for what it has to offer. The answer for me, lies in the exact opposite of nothingness. I’m trying really hard to fall back into a routine. A routine thats good for me. Evenings packed with happy things that don’t leave me with empty time on hand, to mull over, worry and over obsess about the state of affairs at work.
I’ve discovered that setting a schedule of things helps. It helps shut shop at 6 30 and leave my work woes behind. After a day of erratic uncertainties and ups and downs, the answer to some peace and quiet lies in doing things that give me assured satisfaction. No matter what the shite of the day is, I know that when I come home and turn on my Jillian Michaels work out and power through it, I will feel good at the end of it. I know that when I sweat it out and follow it up with a nice hot shower, the endorphin rush will keep my head held up. I know that after all the nonsense of the day when I chop up some vegetables, throw in some spices and toss it together for a while, it will turn into something comforting. Much like I have managed all this week. Cooking has really taken me through the past few weeks.
I’m trying really hard to keep the schedule going. Ensuring I eat healthy home cooked meals and that I have enough food for lunch the next day. Making sure the husband and I have out time out together every evening, even if for a few minutes alone. Somewhere in between all the madness I’ve squeezed in consistent prayers, eyelash wishes, shooting star dreams and the like. And it has finally yielded some fruit.
So yeah, I would have liked a longer, no agenda time-out, but it will have to wait. What I’m getting is a break. Four days next week. In Bangalore. I’m finally going home. Michael Buble style.