Happy 1 year to me

Suddenly one whole year has passed me by. One year ago, on this very day, I stepped back into the world of employment. With the hope of widening my exposure, building my repertoire or work and interacting with a creative bunch of people. A whole year has passed me by, and it seems fitting to evaluate where I stand. And I realize, I’ve haven’t moved very far from where I was. What’s worse is, what little joy I had in what I do, seems to be draining out with every passing day.

So here’s the truth, in black and while. The biggest con: I’ve moved further away from doing what I love. From the writing that gives me joy. The biggest pro: An affirmation of my dislike for the world of advertising and copywriting. And from it, the understanding of where that real joy, I keep talking about, lies.

The thing about hitting a roadblock is, either you work it out and come out strong, or it breaks you down till you can’t fight it anymore. This low has done the latter for me. Its made me insecure, diffident, unhappy. And the result of that is I’ve become moody, cranky and clingy. Ask the husband, he knows it only too well. And that to me is a reality check. When a situation in your life begins to alter your very being, its time to do something about it. Amma says life is filled with ups and downs. Joys, no joys. Make, break. And that I must learn to look past the lows and reach for the highs. But the effort itself seems futile when all I’m doing is indulging in the very activity that’s bringing me down.

The glimmer of hope in the last few weeks has been a sort of clarity of the subtle differences in creative indulgence; discovering the fine line between writing and copywriting; and knowing where my heart lies. Questions of adapting, reinventing, stepping up to challenges haunt me. But the acceptance of this difference is as subtle as the finer nuances of red apples versus green apples. It’s almost not there, and yet so apparent to taste. But yes, I’ve zeroed in on it. And plan 2012 is going to be to steadily move closer to it. I don’t know how. I don’t know where and when. But move I must.


14 thoughts on “Happy 1 year to me

  1. I spent atleast 7 years doing stuff I did not particularly like before finally doing stuff which I quite liked. While this is longer than necessary, most people I know took atleast 3 – 4 years to figure out. Glad you are closer to finding out. Give yourself some time though and totally agree with your amma about looking past the lows.

    1. Its nice to see so many people share similar experiences. Time is the the critical thing. Its a fine line for me, Anita..between giving myself the time and this restless need to get going to do it. Sometimes I really wish I had the guts to chuck it all and dive into what I love, and wait for the rewards to follow in time.

      There, I said it again. Time! Its really what this is about..

  2. You have your blog to do all the writing you want in the world :) I am an engineer and sometimes I question the purpose of what I do and how it holds relevance in my life. I want to do what ever I want. But happiness comes not from doing balancing responsibilities with your inner passion. Ignoring one and pursuing the other will bring no joy.

    1. True. Bur my blog is a place to rant and share my thoughts. I wish I had the time and opportunity to turn it into something more. If someone would pay me to write id be the happiest girl around :)

  3. Listen to your Amma and treat you Hubby well!!! :D

    “Part time writer + part time cook + part time artist + part time lover = Full time explorer” atleast you know who you are! And professionally? You’ll grow as you spend more and more time doing the things you like (within your job ‘profile’ or otherwise)…

    2002-2011 is my professional timeline… And I’m still clueless about what I want from my work!!

  4. Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
    We sit beside bridges and walk beside fountains
    Catch the wild fishes that float through the stream
    Time passes slowly when you’re lost in a dream

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