Suddenly one whole year has passed me by. One year ago, on this very day, I stepped back into the world of employment. With the hope of widening my exposure, building my repertoire or work and interacting with a creative bunch of people. A whole year has passed me by, and it seems fitting to evaluate where I stand. And I realize, I’ve haven’t moved very far from where I was. What’s worse is, what little joy I had in what I do, seems to be draining out with every passing day.
So here’s the truth, in black and while. The biggest con: I’ve moved further away from doing what I love. From the writing that gives me joy. The biggest pro: An affirmation of my dislike for the world of advertising and copywriting. And from it, the understanding of where that real joy, I keep talking about, lies.
The thing about hitting a roadblock is, either you work it out and come out strong, or it breaks you down till you can’t fight it anymore. This low has done the latter for me. Its made me insecure, diffident, unhappy. And the result of that is I’ve become moody, cranky and clingy. Ask the husband, he knows it only too well. And that to me is a reality check. When a situation in your life begins to alter your very being, its time to do something about it. Amma says life is filled with ups and downs. Joys, no joys. Make, break. And that I must learn to look past the lows and reach for the highs. But the effort itself seems futile when all I’m doing is indulging in the very activity that’s bringing me down.
The glimmer of hope in the last few weeks has been a sort of clarity of the subtle differences in creative indulgence; discovering the fine line between writing and copywriting; and knowing where my heart lies. Questions of adapting, reinventing, stepping up to challenges haunt me. But the acceptance of this difference is as subtle as the finer nuances of red apples versus green apples. It’s almost not there, and yet so apparent to taste. But yes, I’ve zeroed in on it. And plan 2012 is going to be to steadily move closer to it. I don’t know how. I don’t know where and when. But move I must.