A sign of things to come (I hope)

Yup, thats how I feel today. Finally. I’ve been waiting for this peaceful, easy feeling for weeks now. And it is here today. Several unfinished drafts over the past 10 days would have told you what a roller-coaster ride race its been, to the finish of 2011. But after a point I got sick of all the ranting and all the negativity I seem to have gathered. It’s time to roll, I figured and let it all go. Shake it off, rather than sit around and let it collect in ways that can fester and turn acrid.

Call it silly, but there is something cathartic about the year coming to an end. And I found solace in telling myself that the year’s end would put an end to the general sense of doom that’s been hanging around me. That the new year would bring in some joy and…well, new-ness. Sure, it is just the passage of time, and the sun sets on the 31st only to rise on the 1st, just the way it does over and over, every single day. There is no real reason why it should hold any significance and I have never been big on NYE celebrations, in a lets-get-drunk-and-kill-it kind of way. But this time the end of the year seems to have come with a whole lot of changes. It has brought me to the brink. And by the end, I just wanted the damn month, the damn year and everything with it to bloody end already.

To put a little Zen spin on it, I could say 2011 was all about filling the cup. Doing lots of things. Juggling home, work and a million other things. Trying to read enough, trying to cook to my hearts content, trying to write beyond work, trying to keep the balls rolling and not let them drop at any point. So much so, that I have no space for the new-ness that I crave. I have a sense of the new experiences and new happiness that I want, but no time or space to accommodate it into my life.

I can’t lie, the last few months have been shitty, shitty, shitty. In a way that has turned the whole year gone by into an utterly forgettable, nothing-worthy-to-note collection of months, weeks and days that just passed me by, and in retrospect its left me with a sense of emptiness, not knowing why I’m doing what I am. So it was really lovely to tick down time and think Good Riddance! as the clock struck 12, last night. I hugged the husband, the only constant I have had in this year of much change. And I wished for 2012 be all about emptying the overflowing cup. De-cluttering life, simplifying things, decompressing and winding down. Making space for news-ness. And I wished for courage, better sense and acceptance of things to come and years of happiness for us and for our families.

If I had one word to describe 2011, it would be hectic, in every sense. So I want 2012 to be to everything but that. Eventful, but peaceful. Exciting, but mellow. Upbeat, but paced out.

I spent all of yesterday exploring parts of South Goa. Driving around with the husband and Sirish. The afternoon featured a hearty lunch, much conversation, laughter and quiet time. New Year’s Eve itself was spent on my balcony. Music, the husband, drink in hand. Our first NYE all to ourselves, I couldn’t have wished for better. I want the year to be full of exploration and new experiences, yet simple and quiet, and there was no better way to set it off.

You know what they say…whatever you do on New Year’s Eve, sets the precedent for the rest of the year. The tone for things to come, in a manner of speaking. If what they say is true, I think this just might be the first time that I got it absolutely right.

2012, bring it.


10 thoughts on “A sign of things to come (I hope)

  1. I was planning to come to Goa in February this year. Saw cheap tickets back in September, and booked. And now I am not coming :| The next time I am there, I will check with you on where to go and what to do. You seem to go to places that are so different from the usual Goa pictures I see on FB. And that includes my albums :) In my defense, I went 4 years ago and I was still young and wild then :p

    1. Hah, I think you should get yourself some cake and you guys cut it tonight! Who needs an occasion anyway, huh?
      But on second thoughts, I cant begin to imagine the crowds and hoardes of people all over Bangalore on NYE. It was positively madenning here in Goa, and I have begun to wonder whats the big deal anyway? We party often enough through the year, have several parties quite like the NYE shoo-shaa and hungama. Do we really all need to go bonkers just because of some utterly regular and mundane movement in the space-time continuum?

  2. Good to know things are looking up for you! :)

    2011 has not been kind to me, and it was cathartic to me too to see the end of it. The hubby has been the only solace and constant in my chaotic life in 2011. Wish 2012 is just the opposite.

    If New Year’s eve is an indicator of how the whole of the next year is going to be, I am going to be in for a lot of unwanted surprises and a lot more chaos. :|

    1. Oh dear, when are you going to write that post? I want to know all about the adventure!
      Yes, things are looking up for me, and Im happy to say its been that way 3 days and counting now :) Pretty good track record, given the chaotic Nov-Dec I had. But I don’t want to speak about it and jinx it, so I’m trying to stay low-key and enjoy things as they are..

      1. Oh, nothing phenomenal! Just that we kept rushing around till the afternoon doing this and that on 31st. We were planning to reserve a table at one of our favourite restaurants, but when we called late in the afternoon, we learnt the restaurant was closed for a New Year’s eve party. We refused dinner at an aunt’s place that we visited (and she’s a fantastic cook!), because we wanted to have pizza at another favourite outlet. That outlet had no pizza that day, because their oven conked. Then we went to have a look around the food court of Mantri Mall, got tired of the noise and crowd, and decided to go back home and order in a pizza from Dominoes. Then we came to know that Dominoes would take 2-1/2 hours for the pizza to be delivered and that it would take 1-1/2 hour if we came to their place. We were super hungry and finally settled for a fast dinner at a nearby Beijing Bites. It was super duper crowded, and we waited a long time for the food to arrive. Rushed through dinner, ordered too much for 2, and parceled what we could not eat and took it home. Finished at sharp 11.45 in the night, and rushed back home just in time to hold hands and hug for New Year. :) Phew!

        Couldn’t sleep well the whole night – kept tossing and turning for some unexplained reason. Was woken up early in the morning by a dumb phone call, and couldn’t go back to sleep. Felt cranky to the core the next day, but maintained cheerfulness since it was the 1st. The hubby was leaving on a tour to Delhi the next day, and was feeling super lonely. Finally broke down and cried my heart out, and soaked his heart at 11 in the night, after which we settled in for the night. :P

        If that’s how my year ahead is going to be, I don’t want it! :|

        Sorry for the longggggggggg rant. Just wanted to type it all out. :)

        1. Oh wow. That does sound hectic. But if you minus the loneliness on the 1st, I guess you can think of it as a sign of lots of travelling and not settling till you get what you want. And that’s not too bad, is it?

          Silver lining, girl!

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