The scene is a Mad Rush. An absolute flurry.
The scene is that I’m just waiting. For something that’s around the corner to come out and show itself. Everywhere I wander in blogosphere, people have so much to say about how the new year, their resolutions, big plans and the like. But I have no such thing to share. I don’t have any fixed resolutions. Just some vague goals. Nebulous gray areas that need constant work, and will have no conceivable end.
Yep, the new year still feels shiny and new, thankfully. But the past week I’ve been mostly too covered in work to think about every little aspect of my inconsequential every day life. Communications briefs, unrealistic deadlines, niggling pressures have suddenly become irrelevant, as I tide along, moving from one thing to another as quickly as I can. I have not had too much time to faff around at work this week. I feel cheated of my usual quota of reading, pinteresting, blogging and the rest. But that’s probably a good thing. And while I haven’t had the time to digest it, all I know is that there is this distinct feeling I’ve carried with me. This quesy impatience. Like when you’re waiting for something, but you’re not quite sure what.
I said I was craving some fresh new-ness in life, and I didn’t have the space for it. Now, suddenly I feel like everything is new. Much has changed, much remains. Yet, I don’t have anything out of the ordinary to say about it. Except that there’s this gut feeling that I can’t put into words. Whatever it is, it’s there. And its telling me that this mad rush of a start of year that I’ve had is the start of something new. Something good. And I mean this in every way.
When I wasn’t looking, someone changed the backdrop, made some tweaks in the script, shuffled the characters, introduced a few new faces (some for comic relief), and I’m bang in the middle of a scene I feel I’ve never experienced before. It’s like some tide turned. Overnight. And everything is different. Work, home, mind, body; life as I know it, is refreshed.
The scene is that I’m in the midst of a feeling I call the endless in-between. This pregnant pause. Where it feels like I’m moving, but incredibly slowly. The angst has suddenly died down. And made way for this new-found impatience. You see there’s a restless annoying impatience. The kind that doesn’t let you sleep, sit still or do anything that demands focus.
And then there’s the good kind of impatience. The calm before the excitement. The kind you want to savour and stretch, because you just know that what lies ahead will be extra good. I’m almost too scared to admit it. I’ve rolled the thought around in my head a dozen times, in disbelief, before putting fingers to keyboard. Only because thoughts on loop in my head always lead to this build up of an inexplicable something in the pit of my stomach, and this restless need to just have it out.
So I’m just going to say it the way it is. No shying away. No stupid superstition superseding my sanity. I’m just going to say it.
2012 has started off well, you guys! It really has!
I know, I know, one week into the new year is probably too soon to make a swooping judgement like that. But that crazy one week has already given me a satisfying start. A head full of good work, months of possibility waiting to be grabbed, the space to go out and get it, a belly full of laughter, and a rekindled spirit, some signs of immense opportunity, some ideas for things to do in life, some elusive goals finally taking shape.
Put all of it together and I’m inclined to think it just might be the start of a god-awesome year.