I think it was listening to this song that made it all come back. Either that, or the spur-of-the-moment glitch of opening a hotmail account that really should never be looked at again. No, not even to delete spam.
One or the other. Or both, maybe.
That’s when I had the unnecessary cold sweat. The same old fear, I’d conveniently forgotten. The flash of memories. Of the unnecessary tears, trauma, self-doubt, hatred and love all wrapped into one. The silent whispers that scream dread and worry. The thrill of playing with fire, and the reckless pleasure of not giving a damn. The high of love, the pain of letting go. The safety and comfort of familiarity, the restlessness for something new. The knowledge that something is bad for you, the delusion that is is good for you.
I’ve been there. Done it too. Until I could no more. Until I set fire to the rain, threw us into the flames, where I felt something die, and I knew that there was the last time.