In which I discover I can’t fight it anymore

I’ve learnt a bitter lesson today. It’s been a long time coming. Seven months to be precise, but the way it came today was like a dagger driven straight into my heart. Not once, not twice. But three times over.

So there in the midst of trying to reign it in, blink back tears and focus on churning out yet another emailer to cajole an indifferent audience into donating to hungry Indian children, I remembered something I’d seen a while ago. Something I’d seen quite out of the blue and dismissed as cutesy, today seemed so damned relevant. And it slipped out of my mind, as if by fluke, in between jotting down ideas.

Some things are worth fighting for. Sometimes they make sense, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you have the energy to endure it all. But today I just don’t. Sometimes you just have to let go. Really. Completely. With all your heart. In a way that gives you closure.

As much as I I believe I am the introverted, peace-loving, confrontation-hating person, I can turn into quite the feisty cat when it comes to people I love and relationships I care to keep. Given that there aren’t too many of these to begin with, it enrages the living daylights out of me when people who claim to know me well and be close to me behave in a way that is diametrically opposite to everything I hold sacred in a relationship. When it comes to close friends, I have never been afraid to speak my heart, face up to my misdoings and fix things. And if that can’t be understood plain and simply, I guess I need to learn to stop hanging on and hurting myself over and over. I guess sometimes you have to stop fighting it. And you just have to let go.

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “In which I discover I can’t fight it anymore

  1. From a fellow ‘ignor-eee’, your diagram says it all and I am very tempted to blatantly copy it off. But I’m glad you’ve found your moment, it can be as liberating and peace giving as very few others and here is hoping that it lasts.

    On another note, ditch the kids I say, you have a cool phone to sell :D :D

    • Copy it off. Iv realised when things gets too complex to understand its easiest to ‘let it go’ :) and thats just the philosophy i adopt when you make me conjure creative lies to sell that damned phone muhuhahaha

  2. I hope you feel better and find peace. With friends, I just find it SO bloody difficult to let go. I keep hanging on, trying to forgive, trying to find excuses, trying to just make it work, you know? All the while doubting myself. And the moment you are able to let go is bittersweet – its a relief but its also sad, and all one is left with are memories.

  3. I think what you’ve done is right. Cos sometimes, it’s almost like a bad marriage isn’t it? And you feel so relieved when you’ve finally made the decision to break free, even though the memories will continue to hurt for a while.

    Feel better.

    • But thats just the hardest part, S. The letting go and moving on in peace. It’s like being stuck in a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-dont kind of catch 22. And the honest truth is sometimes you really *cant* just let go and move on.

      • This is ‘green’ in your mind now – and so seems huge. Over time, it’ll kind of fade into the background. Sadly, it wont go away, but it’ll stop hurting you.

        And to add a twist – let go and hang on to what’s left behind..

        No other simple way, unfortunately. :(

        Smiles and peace.
        Dharuni

  4. Pingback: Like a bubble in a glass of champagne « hAAthi

  5. Pingback: The irony « hAAthi

Pour your thoughts over mine

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s