I’m in that strange place where despite the seemingly weighty implications of what is going on in my head, I seem to be looking for solace in silly every day things like dal-chawal. Like really. I don’t know if its denial, or just my head finally shutting down and wrapping up until things begin to look up a little around here, but at the end of a long day yesterday, I came home exhausted. And all I wanted to do was cook. Nothing fancy. Just a simple palak dal and some rice. With a generous dollop of ghee and a squeezed of fresh lime on top and voila, the world looked like a better place.
Just for a while, it really did felt like the best way to bring back a sense of sanity and peace in my life, was to cook. If only it really were that easy to turn things around.
I’m also in that weird place where what was once a lethal combination of anger, disappointment and utter shock has melted away into sheer helplessness. But not without putting a wry, sadistic smile on my face, thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel and the imaginary sequence in my head where everything miraculously turns around for the better. And of course I emerge on top. Victorious.
Kind of like the absurdity in an Anurag Kashyap film where the bloodiest and goriest sequences have this happy, put-a-smile-on-your-face score. It’s like waking up to the shit, and knowing it is not here to stay.
I’m in that place. And it’s ironic that I’ve been listening to this on loop all day. It’s the kind of soundtrack that makes no sense unless you’ve watched the film. And once you have, you cannot stop. I wouldn’t call this musical genius by any stretch of imagination, but it is ear-worm-worthy and has definitely lifted me out of my funk a little.
And if you haven’t watched Gangs Of Wasseypur already, and this song makes no sense to you, we can’t be friends anymore, I’m sorry.