It’s hard to imagine that we’re already hurtling through the end of October, because it feels like just the other day I was cursing the days that refused to get a move on and just ambled along, making my skin crawl. It’s like not so long ago I said goodbye to my team and walked off one last time, with an armful of cook-books that they gifted me. It’s like I only just started helping out at the cafe. When actually its been over a month since that horrible last leg at work, 22 days since I bid work goodbye and 2 weeks since I started cafe duty.
It’s a strange sort of start to the sabbatical. On one hand I imagined having all the time in the world to do what I want. I dreamed of waking up to doing morning shoots (because I *heart* morning light when I’m shooting food) and blogging to my hearts content. I thought I’d have days filled with lounging around reading a book, interspersed with many cups of coffee. I fantasized about having a near-perfect routine that would give me all balance I needed: a perfectly stocked kitchen, discipline about the way I cook and eat at home and enough time to exercise — all while not letting it show on the state of my home.
But that has not happened completely. I’ve struggled with getting all the things I want to do, done. It seems the more time I have on hand, the harder it is to fit all the things in. The irony is that being free from work, still leaves me with not enough time. So I’ve done some, but not all of the things I wanted to.
I’ve fallen into a nice little pre-cafe routine, getting my cooking done so I don’t resort to eating cafe lunch everyday. That would most certainly kill me. I get my writing done in the afternoons, when I’m back and sometimes I squeeze in some time to catch up on TV shows or I curl up with a book. I’ve made a start with the running, and when I’m back, I head back into the kitchen to cook dinner. And before I know it, the day is done.
The food blog has taken a beating. I have so many to-blog-about things pending, I have not been able to get down to it. There’s so many new things I want to bake/cook and experiment with and I can’t seem to find the drive to get down to it. There’s the other thing I’ve noticed. Pre-sabbatical, I was squeezing in the baking and cooking into every free window I could find. Ironically, now, with all the time free time I could ask for, I don’t find myself rushing off to bake something.
Here’s probably why: it’s hard to slip out of one kind of routine and mind-space, and glide into another and find your comfort zone in there quickly. 3 weeks in to funemployment, and I still find myself waking up at 6.30 with that horrible feeling like another day has begun and I’m going to be late for work. Quickly, I have to shake myself out of it and remind myself that I can actually go back to sleep. When I do wake up, there’s enough to do from a normal every-day life. Like home chores, cooking, my writing assignments and reading, that it doesn’t leave me with the energy to stretch myself. Also, I don’t feel the need to stretch myself anymore. If I did, I probably could accomplish a lot more. But I find myself enjoying this freedom. This nothingness. Without wanting to fill it with some activity all the time.
I probably didn’t give myself enough time before jumping into cafe world. Maybe this is my mind and body’s way of enjoying what little is left of the free time. So I’ve had a listless, rather unadventurous last week. With nothing spectacular to write home about. The cafe keeps me happy, engaged and I find myself in my element at rush-hour lunch time. When I’m home, I find I’m okay just trudging through my assignments — sometimes lazily, sometimes unenthusiastically, while a book or a TV show fights for my attention. Some afternoons I nap and don’t do squat. Sometimes I get lazy about running. And I find myself feeling okay about it all.
Even when the going is slow, nothing really seems to be happening, and even with the what-I-want-to-do list bursting beyond what the eye can see, I’m okay to take it slow. Yet, time is freaking flying. Before I know it October will be done, we will be two months away from 2013 (if the world doesn’t end in between). And I will once again find myself at the threshold of the new year, asking myself where the last three months have vanished.
I guess time flies when you’re having fun.