Last minute panic

I’m three days away from going to Bangalore, and I have that last minute panic again. I want to go home, but I don’t want to deal with the rest of everything a trip to Bangalore comes with.

Much as I love to travel, every trip comes with its set of things to panic about. And going back home to Bangalore is no different. It comes with its very own unique worries. Mostly having to do with having two homes to go to but wanting to just be in one of them. I don’t know how many years of marriage are going to pass me by before I finally make my peace with this fact of life.

“Yes Revati, there are two homes. And yes, we know you’d much rather just stay in the original home and not budge. But marriage isn’t about what you’d much rather do. It is about what you should sometimes compromise and do. Not for yourself. But for the others. For the extended family you made your own. Just for a change.”

Bah. Whatever. No amount of talking to myself and prepping myself days in advance helps. I don’t know why I bother. One half of me wants to just go out and be myself, do as I want and expect the world to deal with it. The other half wants to pull off this impossible balancing act. One foot here, one foot there and one giant, not so enjoyable trip ensues as a result. I don’t want to let it happen again.

But before we even get to the woes of what happens after reaching Bangalore, there’s the pre-trip panic to deal with.

I don’t want to pack.
I don’t want to go through elaborate instructions for my maid to follow in my absence.
I don’t want to have to imagine how the husband will not be able to tidy up the home in my absence.
I don’t want to deal with going to Bangalore, being at home and at the back of my mind knowing I should be in the other home too.
I don’t want to be told I’m too skinny, my face is small, and that I’ve lost too much weight.
I don’t want to go through the motions of being force-fed high calorie food and having to gently (at first) and firmly (out of exasperation decline it every day.
I don’t want to be away from my own home for nine whole days.
I don’t want to come back, unpack and set things back in order and deal with post-holiday blues.

All I want is to stay home and roost.

Or, if someone could quietly teleport me from this home to my parents home, no in betweens, that would be just awesome. Thankyouverymuch.


8 thoughts on “Last minute panic

    1. why not?!
      for a change id like to be the one being seduced. and not doing the seducing.
      also, if it will help in luring me away form prying folk and keeping me at home, im game!


  1. suthewriter

    My exact thoughts, every time I visit Hyderabad. Except of course, one thing is the opposite – comments about how much weight I’ve put on… Yes, it’s that much more difficult when no one is really bad to you, per se. Silent expectations are harder to deal with. I end up spending less time at the places where I really want to be.


    1. Hehehe I will be so happy the day someone tells me honestly that I have gained weight. Nobody knows it better than me. and even when it is dead obvious, some folks insist that I have lost weight and am not eating enough..


  2. I have the exact same feelings when I go back to India. It is sort of better because my parents are in a different city from the in laws so at least the time is very separate. But I still feel like the time spent in my husband’s city is a waste of my precious leave. I enjoy my nieces and my sisters-in-law but since we stay with my husband’s parents, the whole experience is stultifying. I know a couple of people, both from Bangalore ironically, who just go their separate ways, to their individual parental homes when they visit from abroad. The arrangement seems to have been accepted by all concerned, though I’m assuming there was stress in the beginning. In one case, there were even children, who had to split their time between parents/grandparents!


    1. Actually I complain way too much. I have it easy because I do what I please and nobody has ever told me where I should spend my time. Its the unsaid, the quiet expectation and my tendency to overthink such things that ruins me. And yes I totally get that feeling of wasting my holiday time. Because the truth is I do not share as close a bond with my in laws as I do with my parents. At home we actually do stuff together, spend meal times together, chit-chat and catch up, laugh, watch movies and with my sister coming down too its what I am looking forward to. Things are very different at my husbands and I can usually only enjoy/endure it for a night at best, beyond which Im bored stiff.

      My mother faced the same thing because her parents and in laws were both in Bombay, but some how she managed it fine. It was a set rule right form the start that she would stay at her parents and visit the in laws occasionally. But I think that also has something to do with her personality. I am far too meek and try to please everyone, to take a tough stand and stick by it. I end up doign what I please, but rather sheepishly. Which means even when I am at my parents and having a blast theres a nagging thought at the back of my head that tells me I shouldnt be feeling guilty.. gah!


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