I’m three days away from going to Bangalore, and I have that last minute panic again. I want to go home, but I don’t want to deal with the rest of everything a trip to Bangalore comes with.
Much as I love to travel, every trip comes with its set of things to panic about. And going back home to Bangalore is no different. It comes with its very own unique worries. Mostly having to do with having two homes to go to but wanting to just be in one of them. I don’t know how many years of marriage are going to pass me by before I finally make my peace with this fact of life.
“Yes Revati, there are two homes. And yes, we know you’d much rather just stay in the original home and not budge. But marriage isn’t about what you’d much rather do. It is about what you should sometimes compromise and do. Not for yourself. But for the others. For the extended family you made your own. Just for a change.”
Bah. Whatever. No amount of talking to myself and prepping myself days in advance helps. I don’t know why I bother. One half of me wants to just go out and be myself, do as I want and expect the world to deal with it. The other half wants to pull off this impossible balancing act. One foot here, one foot there and one giant, not so enjoyable trip ensues as a result. I don’t want to let it happen again.
But before we even get to the woes of what happens after reaching Bangalore, there’s the pre-trip panic to deal with.
I don’t want to pack.
I don’t want to go through elaborate instructions for my maid to follow in my absence.
I don’t want to have to imagine how the husband will not be able to tidy up the home in my absence.
I don’t want to deal with going to Bangalore, being at home and at the back of my mind knowing I should be in the other home too.
I don’t want to be told I’m too skinny, my face is small, and that I’ve lost too much weight.
I don’t want to go through the motions of being force-fed high calorie food and having to gently (at first) and firmly (out of exasperation decline it every day.
I don’t want to be away from my own home for nine whole days.
I don’t want to come back, unpack and set things back in order and deal with post-holiday blues.
All I want is to stay home and roost.
Or, if someone could quietly teleport me from this home to my parents home, no in betweens, that would be just awesome. Thankyouverymuch.