The Bride has been on a ranty-roll recently, and I was inspired. Especially because a lot of my people-related peeves have come to a fore in recent times. I don’t know if its because I am suddenly more acutely tuned in to it. Or maybe I’ve grown over-sensitive. But a lot of small actions, and inactions seem to annoy me these days. I’m usually rather
tolerant door-mat-ish of people’s behaviour when it annoys me. Forgiving too, and sometimes choosing to be passive-aggressive, rather than confront shitty actions. Mostly because I think small things should really matter less, unless they affect my relationship with said person, or go against a personal ethic or value. Err, and also because I’m essentially a door-mat.
One thing that has started to drive me up the wall (in a passive-aggressive way, of course) is people’s inability to give me a straight forward No, when faced with a simple, inconsequential question. Hey, want to come over for dinner? Should we go watch that movie? Do you want to get this curry instead of that one? Do you know if you’ll be free to hang out tomorrow?
See? Simple questions. Perfectly suited for a simple yes or no answer. And yet 9 out of 10 times, I get the I’ll let you know response. But of course the letting know never happens. Actually, I can’t decide what is worse. Being told that I will be informed of a decision at a later stage and then getting a cold silence. Or getting that stony silence to begin with.
In fact I am so used to getting one of these two responses, that I now automatically take the I’ll let you know response as a no. I’m not a baby. I don’t need to be let down easy just because you cannot/do not want to hang out with me. But there is the minute possibility that I’m over-reading this. What do you think?
The other thing I seem to be at the receiving end a lot of the time is people choosing to talk to me online/or in real life, when they have a lack of people to reach out to. I have always been the Agony Aunt, and while I don’t grudge that alone, I find it hard to digest that people feel the need to hang out, chat on gtalk, call on me, or express the intent to hang out only when they have a personal crisis on hand. The minute crisis is averted, all attempts to meet, hang out, talk plainly are met with behaviour akin to peeve #1 above.
Conversely, what it does to me is leave me with very few options when I genuinely want to hang/talk/meet someone, without an agenda. Because when aforementioned peeps have no worries, are not bored, or have found themselves love interests, they seem to no longer want to do anything normal. You know, like just hang out.
And what do you do with those few I’m-so-wild-I-can’t-control-myself people you know, who use their wild ways as an excuse to hide from tempers they cannot rein in, shooting their mouths off in public, or taking advantage of a close friendship by saying whatever they please in the heat of the moment? As if that is not bad by itself, they are the kind who will come back groveling and apologise, blatantly blaming their uncontrollable ways, for their actions. This, I find hard to tolerate, and has been the reason for many a friendship being severed. To me, this is the equivalent of cheating on a partner and blaming it on being drunk and not thinking straight.
Hello, it’s your brain and your mouth. Surely only you can control what you say, think and do!
Then there’s a couple of peeves with communicating with people online. I cannot, for the life of me, understand how hard it is for people in 2013 to figure out the purpose of BCC. I mean, we’ve been using email for over a decade now. Surely, it can’t be that hard to figure out!
Of course its always some idiot who gets outed when he/she writes out an officious email, and then inadvertently directs a question to someone he/she BCC’d on the thread. And then promptly gets an answer, marked to all. Thereby negating the point of the BCC, to begin with.
Have you ever been serially pinged by someone when you’re in the midst of doing something really important? Like finishing a piece for submission. Or editing a blog post. Or having an important telephone conversation. And blinking non stop in your gmail window, like pixels on acid, is an impatient friend who seems to think that all you ever do is sit around online waiting to respond to him/her. That you must be ever-available and willing to respond. Not a minute too late. Between you and me, sometimes that behaviour makes me want to delay responding, even when I do finally have the time.
Some navel-gazing has taught me that I am as much to blame in some of these instance. For taking it. For not stopping and pointing out what it is that pisses me off. For not demanding some respect when people seem to be so clearly lacking it. Either ways, I find tiny deviations from what used to be the norm for polite behaviour, quite passe. It makes me wonder if I am being overly sensitive to it, and should let it slide (truly, without bearing any hard feelings). But another side of me thinks that one must stick by what one deems as good behaviour, politeness and basic manners, lest the whole world slide into one big horrible case of what The Bride calls the me-me-me disease. Maybe its time to bring back the good old do unto others as you would have them do to you logic.
All easier said than done. Easier to let fester in your mind than speak up. Because, Hello! I’m Ms Door Mat! How nice to meet you, you insolent mass of cytoplasm!
Yeah no, its not funny. It’s something I need to work on. So maybe being sensitive to what pisses me of and acknowledging it is step 1?