Things about VC that I never want to forget #10
VC is the worst breed of Apple fanboy there is to be found
There comes a point in every married couples life, when the threads that hold the two people together in unison, are tested to the max. And that, my friends, happens to us every time VC has an Apple-product-itch. I’ve spoken about it here, but only mildly. Because up until now, instances of giving in to temptation of the Apple kind, although always irrational, have been preceded by a fair bit of deliberation. AKA, me drumming some sense into VC’s head, and pushing the inevitable until I have had some say in the matter.
That his mind is so easily and quickly made up when it comes to shiny, happy, white, sleek pieces of metal, that I really don’t have too much of a say, is inconsequential. At least I try. At least we’d talk. At least he’d pretend to listen. At least we would come half-way on what we thought, even if we agreed to disagree and he would proceed to go get himself the Macbook, or the iPad, or the Magic Trackpad, or the Magic Mouse (yes, since the last time we spoke he has added in the mouse and several pointless cases and accessories to his phone and tablet).
But. Its happened again. And this time the decision was so firmly taken, that there was no discussion on the matter. Not even when I reminded him that when he bought his iPhone, he gallantly declared that he is done spending ridiculous amounts of money on technology, most of all phones.
Then he followed through with his declaration, like all well-meaning human beings. Right? Eeerrrhh! Wrong. Except I now know him and his ways even better than he knows himself, so this was fully predicted and totally anticipated. When the iPhone 5 came out, he mocked it as a piece-of-shit upgrade of the 4S. But when the iPad mini came out, boy his eyes lit up.
Told you. Sucker. For. All. Things. Small. Shiny. White. Things that bear apple logos neatly embossed on them.
And so it has happened. One quick sudden panic-stricken need for the newest of new gadgets. The excuse this time however, was part-legit. The iPhone has a sucky battery life, especially difficult if you are a workaholic. So I present to you a set of completely rationally-thought-out, logical reasons why VC absolutely must have the iPad mini. And no, it has nothing to do with the fact that it is the nicest, newest Apple gadget on the block. Oh noooo, it doesnt.
- I need to separate my communication device from my browsing device and save battery!
- I cannot carry the iPad around because its too big (we are now at that stage where the thinnest iPad yet, is too big!)
- I want a 7″ device because 11″ is unwiedly (no, you’re not the only one that thinks the whole “inches” talk is kind of gross)
Thus, another mini-battle ensued. Several hours of cold war like silent seething, plus an equal number of hours of me badgering VC to think straight, met by more stony cold silence, which is a combination of him standing his bratty-ground and dealing with some residual guilt, followed. And today, as things stand, we are one iPhone down and have one proposed iPad mini on its way.
That makes it two Macbooks, 1 iPhone, 1 iPad and 1 iPad mini between two people, one of whom is seriously cutting down screen time, and another who constantly oscillates between having no choice but to look at a screen and wanting to have nothing to do with it.
Over-indulgence, much don’t you think?
I thought so too.
So, in light of the vociferous arguments that ensued, and the drastic turn of events that it led to, I had an array of thoughts that included how wonderful it would be to have an “opt-out” setting that I could tick off when it came to choosing a spouse with/without an Apple-fetish. And then I realised that the possibility that my marriage might be shred to bits one day in the foreseeable future, all because of some stupid gadget, is not hard to imagine.
I am now exploring the option of turning myself into a Mobile Virtual Presence Device. Something like this.
Clearly VC has his priorities in the right place. Gadgets are the way to the future. So I might as try and blend in, no? Think about the possibilities! With an upgradeable, interchangable screen-face, I can quickly be the newest, shiniest face around! I can save so much time and effort that I might otherwise spend in trying to stay svelte and sexy, in shape. And since a screen is all he needs, I won’t have to bother with sexy lingerie, antiwrinkle cream and botox to keep his eyeballs on me as I get older.
The only other thing I should possibly consider is branding my bum, or any other appropriately sexy spot, with a nice big fat Apple. You know, just in case he sticks by his bratty, brand-conscious ways.
If you’re not new to this series, you’ll remember the other instance where I talked about the extreme fan-boy-dom in my home. When he isn’t obsessing over the newest gadget, working his ass off, and generally being a boy, VC provides much entertainment and food for thought. As all husbands should.