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Things about VC that I never want to forget #10

26 Mar

Things about VC that I never want to forget #10
VC is the worst breed of Apple fanboy there is to be found

There comes a point in every married couples life, when the threads that hold the two people together in unison, are tested to the max. And that, my friends, happens to us every time VC has an Apple-product-itch. I’ve spoken about it here, but only mildly. Because up until now, instances of giving in to temptation of the Apple kind, although always irrational, have been preceded by a fair bit of deliberation. AKA, me drumming some sense into VC’s head, and pushing the inevitable until I have had some say in the matter.

That his mind is so easily and quickly made up when it comes to shiny, happy, white, sleek pieces of metal, that I really don’t have too much of a say, is inconsequential. At least I try. At least we’d talk. At least he’d pretend to listen. At least we would come half-way on what we thought, even if we agreed to disagree and he would proceed to go get himself the Macbook, or the iPad, or the Magic Trackpad, or the Magic Mouse (yes, since the last time we spoke he has added in the mouse and several pointless cases and accessories to his phone and tablet).

But. Its happened again. And this time the decision was so firmly taken, that there was no discussion on the matter. Not even when I reminded him that when he bought his iPhone, he gallantly declared that he is done spending ridiculous amounts of money on technology, most of all phones.

Then he followed through with his declaration, like all well-meaning human beings. Right? Eeerrrhh! Wrong. Except I now know him and his ways even better than he knows himself, so this was fully predicted and totally anticipated. When the iPhone 5 came out, he mocked it as a piece-of-shit upgrade of the 4S. But when the iPad mini came out, boy his eyes lit up.

Told you. Sucker. For. All. Things. Small. Shiny. White. Things that bear apple logos neatly embossed on them.

And so it has happened. One quick sudden panic-stricken need for the newest of new gadgets. The excuse this time however, was part-legit. The iPhone has a sucky battery life, especially difficult if you are a workaholic. So I present to you a set of completely rationally-thought-out, logical reasons why VC absolutely must have the iPad mini. And no, it has nothing to do with the fact that it is the nicest, newest Apple gadget on the block. Oh noooo, it doesnt.

  1. I need to separate my communication device from my browsing device and save battery!
  2. I cannot carry the iPad around because its too big (we are now at that stage where the thinnest iPad yet, is too big!)
  3. I want a 7″ device because 11″ is unwiedly (no, you’re not the only one that thinks the whole “inches” talk is kind of gross)

Thus, another mini-battle ensued. Several hours of cold war like silent seething, plus an equal number of hours of me badgering VC to think straight, met by more stony cold silence, which is a combination of him standing his bratty-ground and dealing with some residual guilt, followed. And today, as things stand, we are one iPhone down and have one proposed iPad mini on its way.

That makes it two Macbooks, 1 iPhone, 1 iPad and 1 iPad mini between two people, one of whom is seriously cutting down screen time, and another who constantly oscillates between having no choice but to look at a screen and wanting to have nothing to do with it.

Over-indulgence, much don’t you think?

I thought so too.

So, in light of the vociferous arguments that ensued, and the drastic turn of events that it led to, I had an array of thoughts that included how wonderful it would be to have an “opt-out” setting that I could tick off when it came to choosing a spouse with/without an Apple-fetish. And then I realised that the possibility that my marriage might be shred to bits one day in the foreseeable future, all because of some stupid gadget, is not hard to imagine.

I am now exploring the option of turning myself into a Mobile Virtual Presence Device. Something like this.

RobotSheldon

Clearly VC has his priorities in the right place. Gadgets are the way to the future. So I might as try and blend in, no? Think about the possibilities! With an upgradeable, interchangable screen-face, I can quickly be the newest, shiniest face around! I can save so much time and effort that I might otherwise spend in trying to stay svelte and sexy, in shape. And since a screen is all he needs, I won’t have to bother with sexy lingerie, antiwrinkle cream and botox to keep his eyeballs on me as I get older.

The only other thing I should possibly consider is branding my bum, or any other appropriately sexy spot, with a nice big fat Apple. You know, just in case he sticks by his bratty, brand-conscious ways.

****

If you’re not new to this series, you’ll remember the other instance where I talked about the extreme fan-boy-dom in my home. When he isn’t obsessing over the newest gadget, working his ass off, and generally being a boy, VC provides much entertainment and food for thought. As all husbands should.

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24 Responses to “Things about VC that I never want to forget #10”

  1. mincat March 26, 2013 at 11:37 am #

    ahahaahahahah
    at least you know what tattoo to get ;)
    <3

    • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 11:40 am #

      heyyyyyyy! now theres an idea.
      but then it will mean endorsing apple for life no..hmmpf.

      • R March 26, 2013 at 11:49 am #

        What Mincat said! I was going to say the same thing. :) I love this series.

        • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

          Hehe, I cant hide the fact that I did actually stop to consider that for a brief minute. Before I realised Id look entirely hilarious.

  2. niyatiupadhya March 26, 2013 at 1:08 pm #

    PAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! i want to see you on a screen like tht bubs! Daily ill dress you up and give you pumps to wear! :D

    • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

      Oh wouldnt that be fun?
      Like your own little daily art installation.. then we can go to Panjim Market to shop!

      • niyatiupadhya March 27, 2013 at 10:06 am #

        AAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!! you can do door delivery like tht of cakes! :D

  3. Deepa March 26, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    Bahahahaha…….that’s all I have to say.
    That and the suggestion that surely the apple obsession must be coursing through your veins too, judging by at least one of your cousins? :-p

    • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

      Bahahaha, see its one thing to like/love/even be obsessed with them. But does he hoard them gadgets? Like his life depends on it?!
      If he does, bonk him on the head and tell him its from me!

      • Deepa March 26, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

        Hmmmm……fair enough. So far we are only up to 3 versions of the iPhone and the iPad in our house.
        You win!

        • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

          Three versions each?!
          :O

          • Deepa March 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm #

            He has 3 and I have an old one. His best trick is to convince me to change over to android, then take every opportunity to tell me that I should have stuck to iPhone!

  4. Geetha March 26, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    Can you sing ‘Soft Kitty’?

    • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

      i can, but should i? he should sing for me no. i am the sufferer and he, the cause!

      • Geetha March 26, 2013 at 7:21 pm #

        right, but revbot communications hardware would need your soft kitty rendition. but, shhh. this has to be a secret.

        • hAAthi March 26, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

          Heehehe. Okay. Got eet.

  5. ZinalBhadra March 27, 2013 at 4:20 am #

    There isn’t a dearth of apple fans…they are seen everywhere…Its almost like a cult now…Who is the biggest apple fan?

    • hAAthi March 27, 2013 at 7:30 am #

      Vc could be a strong contender for that spot

  6. Sig March 27, 2013 at 6:26 am #

    Love it! Evs is the same except for tech gear in general – not just Apple stuff. Like a true Libra he will declare Apple a piece of shit and thus justify his spending on an Android to get pissed off with it and now want a Blackberry, to give the side eye to the ipad mini because his ipad is, yes, too unwieldy.

    Sigh.

    • hAAthi March 27, 2013 at 7:32 am #

      Yeah totally sounds familiar. Vc is also generally gadget crazy and the apple fetish doesnt make it any better. He too has done dumb things like traded in the last iphone for a BB and regretted it. And them traded that in for an android. Not just any android — he went and bought a Dell phone. WHO does that?! Of course he regretted or because t died on him in 4 months and he bought the newest iphone and vowed it would be the last time. But we know how that story ended.

  7. akshAy March 27, 2013 at 9:21 am #

    Dude u should get off ‘apple bottom’ jeans. Appropriate on so many levels.

  8. Santulan May 8, 2013 at 9:24 am #

    I think the love for all things apple is a like a gravity well.. initially you’re just a curious before you test the waters, and once you touch it you get pulled in.. Deep, deeper and lost…

    • hAAthi May 8, 2013 at 9:25 am #

      Lost, is the right word :P

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Things about VC that I never want to forget #14 | hAAthi - April 24, 2014

    […] from his love for food, VC has an uncanny love for work, all things Apple and, umm, me! There’s more shenanigans in the stack I like to call Things About VC I Never […]

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