Here, now.

Just when I felt like things were finally moving, I find myself tired from not doing much, still wilting in the heat and wondering what magic potion I can take to get me going again. Even though I’m plodding along, trying hard to stick with my plan and ticking of little steps along the way, I long for someone to take over and just direct me, so I can do as I’m told.

As much as I like my time alone and the space and liberty it gives me to plan and work around things the way I want to, I have realised this works best when I am doing self-motivated, personal projects. When it comes to doing something that I need to put out there, I am horribly un-self-managed. I am and always have been a soldier, rather than a leader. So recently, I’ve wished that I belonged to a team of worker ants. Or even just having that one other work partner, who is as enthusiastic as me. I would probably get things done much faster, without feeling the energy flailing.

I do well when directed. And going on this way sometimes makes me feel a bit frustrated. Especially when the going is slow, which it is, because so much depends on me and my energy to get things done. Which would be great if I had nothing else to do but power through my life like it were a list of to-dos. But on the flip side of the to-dos, is life. And all the things I like to pack into it.

You see this stay-at-home-and-wear-many-different-hats business is (believe it or not!) sometimes tiring. When you’re one person trying to juggle keeping a home, cooking two healthy meals a day, handling three different projects at any given point of time (the third one being a personal project that seems to always get shoved on to the back burner), also trying to squeeze in time to work out, read, spend time with the husband, meet friends and like that wasn’t enough go and resurrect your facebook page (still unsure about this move, more on that soon) too, things tend to, er how shall I put it — stretch a bit.

It has a lot to do with my innate need to do many things all at once. I recently found myself explaining to some friends, that even though I am at home all day, for many days, and while I do revel in the occasional day where I allow myself the luxury of doing nothing at all, I am mostly packed to the brim with activity. Rarely does a moment go by empty, bored, uninterested. My head is bursting with ideas for things to go myself, for the home, the kitchen, the blog, I can barely keep up. My to-do lists (yes, there are multiple ones in multiple locations) are running on faster than I can keep up with them. Between meeting my work deadlines, making time manage both blogs over-enthusiastically, cooking, planning more cooking, having people over, socialising, trying to keep the reading and writing going, and I feel exhausted.

So this is the worker ant me, trying to do it all. Some times failing, reminding myself, sometimes unsuccessfully, that I have to prioritise and settle for what I can get. That I have to make my peace with fewer, small victories. Especially because earlier this year I consciously decided to pare down my life, down to the things I most wanted to do. Somewhere I have let my ambitious dreams take over.

It’s time to spring clean my head a bit, realign priorities, not get sucked into internet-hyped marketing crap, and remind myself that this sabbatical has and always should be about simplicity. About staying true and letting things happen in their own time. About staying active, but not letting the pace of things tire me out. About staying honest to my intentions and letting the rest happen if it must. About doing one thing at a time, but doing it well.

So its good that yesterdays mindles internet meandering lead me to another very epiphanic discovery. Allow me to share with you, exhibit A:

here-now

I am usually torn between feeling stupid for having such unimaginatively simple, cheesy, Pinteresyt-packaged words get me to sit up and take notice; and feeling obviously stirred up and grateful that the jolt, simple as it may be, came at the right time.

Now is as good a time as any to be reminded that I need to do what I can do best, with what I have. While hopes and plans and dreams are good, I need to re-hash what I have on hand so I can do it well, treading one careful step at a time, rather than taking over-ambitious strides that actually lead me nowhere. This is where I need to focus on. Because there’s really no better way to enjoy the here and the now, than to be in the here and the now.

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18 Replies to “Here, now.”

  1. Hi Revati at some point we need to be pushed constantly and it happ from time to time, trust me on that. We tend to postpone simple tasks like writing a letter or a story. Guess, its a never ending phase.
    Cheers

    1. I didnt need pushing when it came to things i love. I think iv gotten my priorities mixed up a bit and getting ahead of myself rather than tackling things one by one. Youre right i need a push, except im the only one who can push me :)

      1. You right. From personal experience, I end up doing nothing when I have so many things I love doing today. Like writing on the blogs, reading stuffs, working on my novel and doing my freelance stuffs. I think we need to zero on two to three main stuffs. Cheers to dat:)

  2. haha fake facebook resurrection. nonsense i say!
    =D
    that pinterest thing is good but. i find myself always wishing i were somewhere or somewhen else and its not good. it’s a very convenient excuse for not getting things done–oh it i lived in new york i’d be happy; if i lived at home i’d have time to work out; if i were 20 i could give it a shot etc.

    1. Hehe why fake yo?! Dont make me take it down. It took so much effort to get back. Gah.

      And youre right. That is kind of what im saying. Here and now means no excuses. You make do with what you have and do what you can. Or at least i hope

        1. Errr Hopefully it wont be any more fake than your photography page ;) but yes i know what you mean, Yeah im not sure im okay with the idea as yet. Therefore much hemming and hawing happened.

  3. Now is as good a time as any to be reminded that I need to do what I can do best, with what I have. – I so needed those words today ! I am also at a stage in my life when I am trying to prioritize because at this point, I am finding myself way too overwhelmed with lots of things.

  4. I just entered your facebook world! I’m impressed. I think your friend up there was just mocking you mocking your facebook presence because you were probably always alive! I hope your personal project takes first priority because it probably has something to do with writing, right? They need to have more artist retreats where someone comes and cooks for you, you get a room by the ocean and all you have to do is be creative. Those should also be free.

    1. Hehe, but I have been off fb for almost two years now.. Im still not sure how i feel about coming back, though. Anyhoo, I tried adding you as a friend but it seems I cant :-/

      Personal projects are several actually, theres a baking one and a writing one and both are currently sputtering trying to take off by having fits and starts and its driving me batty. Im so down with you on that artists residency Idea, infact I think it might be just what I need. TO go away sometime, so Im away from my home and the many trappings it offers, like AC and soft pillows and the oven..and get some work done!

      1. My privacy settings are very strange and I have no idea what they are anymore. Email me your username or whatever your name on facebook is and I’ll look for you.

  5. You’ve probably tried and stopped this several times or maybe this never worked for u … But a shot worth a try if u haven’t. GYM or EXERCISE of any kind has been my friend at these times in life. Even now … As I’m learning to cope with the new short term stay at home mom role, in finding such a whale of a difference between days I workout and days I don’t! There’s tons of research out there on how all that working out can keep you bright and skippity! I must say I am living proof of this. I also generally accomplish more of my personal goals over others on days I see things clearly which typically end up being days I sweat it out over some cardio. Give it a shot if u haven’t.

    1. OH I swear by exercise, more for what it does to my energy levels, general fitness and endorphin rush that I am addicted to, rather than weightloss. It works for me much the same way it works for you, and I cant remember a phase in my life when I didnt workout in some way or the other (if I could help it). Even now I am consistently at it, even though the heat has made it really humid and horrid to want to do it everydya. but I try and stay as regular, at least 4 days a week if not more..Unfortunately even that hasnt helped much in the last month. I am blaming the heat completely for this one. CAN.NOT.WAIT.FOR.THE.RAINS!

  6. can totally relate to this post.. I work from home too , and though it sounds deceptively like twiddling one’s thumbs to other people, I often find myself swamped with more things that I could ever manage. This working from home business is just an invitation for more work and stree, IMHO.

    1. I wouldnt say invitation for more work and stress. I only take on the work I want to and love to do, so the stress that comes with it, I dont mind. What I do find exhausting is being the one man army and constantly switching roles!

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