Sick creatures

I see him from a distance these days. As I approach the dingy alleyway, I know that he is pressed up against the wall. His face hidden away from the light. His dirty paws (Lord knows where they have roamed) spread out wide, stuck to the stuccoed surface from which they will not move easily. Some days he wanders into my territory. Catching me unawares, crossing me without warning. Forcing me to wince and make a detour. Hop, skip and jump away. Anything to avoid eye contact. But today he lies still as the worst, most deceptive predator. Waiting for the right moment to peel himself away from the wall and saunter in front of an unsuspecting victim. Make her jump out of her akin, her teeth chatter and her hair stand on end. And I an terrified. Because I can now sense these tendencies from afar. Even as I know his head is turned away from me , I can feel his cold steely eyes stuck on me. I can almost relive the rubbery, mottled touch of his spotty digits that have on occasion brushed against me. I can see the subtle and timely flick of his ugly tongue. The evil glint in his beady eyes. And the sick joy I feel I can see in them. For he knows I am terrorised by him. He knows the hold he has on me.

As I approach the dark spot, I brush these thoughts aside. Steele myself for I have to cross it and get to the other side. That’s when I hear it.

Puch puch puch puch. Like dirty kisses in the air. Like a warning sign that despite all my positive thinking he is bound to let go of his spot in the dark and venture out in front of me.

My palms get clammy and the hair at the bak of my neck stiffens, sending a feathery shiver down my spine.

Puch! PUCH puch! PUCH! There it is again. Sick squelchy reminders of the fear that grips my heart. It is getting tighter. And I’m getting breathless.

How much longer will I suffer this fear I wonder. How can I function this way I ask myself again. With a mix of mild irritation at myself and disgust at the sick creature that threatens me, I walk on. Big strides. Outwardly unafraid. Wilting within.

And that’s when I see him. Right on cue. Walking right in front of me. Making that disgusting kissing sound again.

Puch puch puch puch. The lizard in my balcony.

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31 Replies to “Sick creatures”

    1. I dont have the courage to go that close and do something about it. I do resort to eggshells though. I am told they work and i believe they have for me. But theres only that many egg shells I can leave lying around the house without looking like Im up to some voodoo shit. Grrr

  1. You have no idea how much I hate, loathe and fear those creatures. I think I get the fear from my mother.. U have got to see us when there is one on the house.. we once paid a guy 200 bucks to get rid of 8 of them from 3 bedrooms!! so you can imagine the heights or rather depths of our fear!! ewwwww

    1. That sounds very legit. I feel your pain, except I would never go through the trouble of trying to chase them out. I just curl up in the centre of the bed and cover myself in a blanket and dont leave.

      I recently called PCI and asked if they have any “treatment” for lizards and when they said yes, I jumped for joy. A “senior technician” called me the next day and asked when he could come to administer the treatment, and when I told him to come in the morning he refused. Said it had to be at sunset. EH? what kind fo treatment is this, I asked. And he said its a “spot treatment”. We show up, you point out lizard, we spray insecticide on it and it either runs out or dies. We leave. And apparently they move from outdoors to indoors around sunset.

      I physically LOLed and told him Im hardly waiting with a red carpet rolled out for the lizard to make its entry every evening, so I can call him at exactly the right moment and let him administer his “spot” treatment.

      Therefore, I now continue to be traumatised.

      :(

  2. My skin is standing on end in a yuck-that-felt-like-a-lizard-crawling-on-my-skin sort of way. Your description was pretty spot on. I do remember seeing lizards the size of chameleons at someone’s house in Nagercoil and wanting to get the hell out of there, though. That sound is a very disgusting one. Ewwww.

    1. Yes, so apt your reaction. Its how I feel every time I see one. This was written in a fit this evening when I causlaly dragged my beanbag to the balcony to sit and read. Looked up and saw the fuckers there, threatening to et go and land in my lap. Whenever I want to do something fun theres a lizard involved, waiting to ruin it for me. The woe!

  3. Not scared of them but hate them. They are all over the place, in the room, kitchen and hell knows! They keep bugging you and may pounce on you as you lie asleep on the bed. So well written and the style is perfect. Btw, love the new profile pic:)

  4. I personally have nothing against the lizards, except that the large, dark gray ones gross me out. However lizards do not like mom. Twice they have fallen flat on her face, while she simply lay on her bed. Quite naturally, she freaked out and I managed to hold back my laughs with much restraint.

    Lizards in general are good, as they keep the bug population in check. Plus the light yellowish ones look cute.

    They are few insecticides that work against them effectively. Actually lizards are attracted towards bugs (to eat them), so if you keep large ants, roaches and other bugs away lizards are likely to stop frequenting your place. However that is a long term thingy. People say that keeping peacock feathers in the house helps, as peacocks are their predators. DUnno how effective that is.

    However the most effective thing is getting a lizard glue trap. These are super sticky, and lizards will just get glued on them, and once captured you can throw them away.

    1. I hate lizards, and my theory is that they sense it and come out to get me. I seem to encounter them in the most unlikely places. In a room full of people, I will invariably be the one to spot the lizard on the cieling before it lets go of it sticky paws and lands flat in a chair right next to ME.

      They do NOT look cute to me. All of them make my skin crawl. Small, yellow, dark, big, grey, green eeuuurggh.. I dont mind the other bugs. I can deal with them, so I dont really appreciate the lizard trying to be pest control around here! Peacock feathers I have heard also work, but I havent gotten around to buying them. Egg shells work just as well..

      And that glue trap, I once used for rats, and a lizard accidentally got stuck. You can imagine my haalat. VC had to do the honours of picking the damn trap up and discarding it. Hehee he wasnt amused.

  5. I have no clue since when i started despising lizards, but the truth is I do. To be honest, when I see a lizard, I long to change my residence itself. I feel like they just wouldn’t go out anyway – if there is one, there will be another. And then, it’s a clan already.

    There are times when I think bathroom no. 2 doesn’t have any lizard and then when I spot a baby, I feel such disappointment that I can’t put in words :P

    Well, seems like a lot of us are in it together. That’s a little comforting actually.

  6. I could not agree more. In Ahemedabad there was mean wily lizard who loved to hide under the stove and then sneak up on poor unsuspecting me chopping vegetables on the counter. I would scream and nearly chop my fingers as he/she scampered away. That is the stuff nightmares are made of!

  7. Jeez! Lizards are super scary..at Baroda, we used to have 3..one in the dinning room near the tube light, one in the kitchen, which would be invariably on the kitchen platform every morning Amma switched on the light..she would squeal, Appa would come running down and shoo it away and then she would take soap and clean up the platform..every morning! *rolls eyes* and then there was one in the bathroom..idiot..used to look with its big huge eyes and was the size of a mini dinosaur..I exaggerate not…*shudders*

    Appa used to say, they are harmless yaada yaada..yaa whatever!!!

  8. whatte coincidence i say!

    hahahaha this brings back memories. paapa,so sad. what did they ever do to you? not like they’re roaches. those evil creatures will survive a nuclear fallout, even with their heads cut off. spawn of satan much?

  9. One time a teeny, tiny lizard fell on my head and I didn’t realise till it crawled down my back. Another time one fell on my arm. I have been traumatised ever since. My last encounter with a lizard was a few months ago when one got into the kitchen and hid behind the microwave, I literally cried. I didn’t go into the kitchen the whole day, till the husband came home and got rid of it. I do not like lizards!

  10. Yuccckkkk! I’m sort of relieved that am not the only one who reacts like its a dinosaur and not a small lizard. :) the husband is an expert in administration of ‘spot’ treatments! Pesticides or wet towel on lizard and sweep towel with lizard out. *shivers* the kid and I are standing on the bed with door closed and screaming every 5 minutes to check if it is safe for us to get back to normal life. LOL. Btw I saw the cake shop and the very AG faq section. You haven’t told me if I can order a cake online. :) good luck

    1. I even call them small dinosaurs. So you are not alone.

      And you mean order a cake to Bangalore? Page 1 should tell tou its only goa :) but im coming to blr next week. Want me to bring you some cake?

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