4 things I probably should do

..but in all likelihood, wont do.

The wedding season is upon us, and being cut off in Goa means that we usually have a ready, legit excuse to give most such events a miss. And so we do. Because neither I not the husband have ever been big on attending weddings, unless absolutely necessary. Like say, if a cousin or close family member or friend were getting married, I’m willing to haul my ass over and be a part of the shindig. I’ll even endure the heavy pattu saris, the jewelry, the intrusive questions people tend to ask , the inordinate amounts of time spent feeling like you’re participating in some proceedings, but actually amount to just sitting around twiddling your thumbs, making inane conversation with random distant relatives. And sometimes, if you’re lucky you’ll have your sibling around to entertain you. If he/she is anything like mine, it makes things a lot more palatable, because you turn the entire event into an idiosyncrasy inspection and people watching fest. So to some extent, I’m willing to do it for some special people, even if the person falling into this category is sometimes dictated by social obligation rather than real affection or fondness. I’m still willing to do it once in a while. The husband, not so much, heh. But when the wedding of my sister in laws sister was announced, it was clear that the husband would have no say, no choice and no negotiations in whether he would like to attend it or not.

So tomorrow we are off to the wedding, my first this year (the last one I attended was over a year ago) and while I have resigned myself to the idea of doing everything stated above for the next 4 days, here’s a quick list of a few things I probably should do; but in all likelihood, wont do.

– Not cut my hair. Because short hair on a girl? Especially at a wedding! How very absurd! No matter that I live in a hot place and tend to bathe in sweat at the gym every day, which makes the idea of short wash-and-wear hair very, very appealing. But no, I am expected to feel compelled to keep it mid-length, half grown out from that awkward boyish haircut I went and got 6 months ago (I mean seriously, what possesses girls these days to do these things!) just until the wedding is over. And then I can do whatever I want.

But of course, I won’t comply. In fact I already went ahead and had it cut back short last week. Which means I won’t be able to iron it poker straight like only every other woman at the wedding, I won’t need to comb it, forget tying or neatly pinning it to some sense of sanity, and gasp! I will strut around in my traditional garb, with my neck exposed!

– By-heart a few stock responses to the stock questions we are going to be asked no less than 135 times.
“So, when are you going to give us the good news, beta?” — How about, er..never?
“How do you live in Goa, I mean don’t you get bored with all the partying?” — No, I am so high all the time, all my days and nights blend into one endless, inebriated infinite loop, and it ceases to matter if the party is on or off. Or if I’m tired of it. Also, no we don’t do anything else, thanks for asking.
“When are you moving back to Bangalore?” — When the Metro is all done, and I mean every single disconnected segment is finally connected, and the city turns over a new leaf, and all the auto drivers abducted by aliens teaching them to be mean, come back to their senses. Maybe..even then, I won’t want to come back. So…next question?
“So isn’t it boring to be at home all day long with nothing else to do?” — I have an exhausting routine that involves cooking, cleaning, washing, mopping and lots of dusting and only when that is done do I move on to my equally exhausting routine of preening and primping. I have to look good for all that endless partying, no?

But no, I like to leave some questions unanswered, until the moment when they’re popped. Then I just pick the first diplomatic answer that comes to mind, pull it out of my head like the best arrow from a quiver, take position, lace it with the daintiest smile I can pull, and set it off on its path to cut through the crap and put an end to the madness.

– Get my jewelry sorted before hand, so I am not left with the awkward moments of silence followed by squeals of “oh but is not grand enough!” being silently tossed at me. I should pair the little beloved South Indian jewlery I plan to wear, with each of my outfits, so as to leave no room for speculation or worse, the subtle other suggestions that can be wedged in at an opportune moment — complete with multiple sets of diamonds and all kinds of jewelry I would not pick even if my life depended on it.

But I think I’ll just masochistically leave it unplanned. So I can survey the crowd, pick my jewelry accordingly, and be the most decidedly under-dressed person around. At every single event.

– Train my mind and soul to zip it and get through the next few days without making a big deal of it. Because really, it’s just four days. Okay five days, but still. Temporary, as opposed to lifelong irritations. It is a wedding, a happy occasion after all. And didn’t I just open by saying I am the one that can haul my ass to such events, endure heavy clothing and jewelry, make asinine conversation with over-inquisitive relatives and come out at the other end chuckling?

But no, I haven’t even thought about this one as yet. My stubborn, mulish, bull-headed brain wants to have the option to be peeved, mildly traumatised and have a hissy meltdown, if it so wishes. What I am willing to do however, is increase my threshold. I can delay said meltdown to day 4 as opposed to day 1. So that I can have a million epiphanies about how different we are compared to our families, reinforce all those same truths we have come to know over the years, mentally tell various people to STFU, silently and subtly bubble over, let it all out. And then get on that flight back home to Goa.

That, I can do.


16 thoughts on “4 things I probably should do

  1. I hate attending wedding myself, unless it is of some close relative. Sometimes I go because it gives me a chance to meet everyone in the family.
    “So, when are you going to give us the good news, beta?” – this is what makes me avoid weddings these days. :)


  2. Anu

    I grew up with two sides of family trees (paternal and maternal). My paternal side was all about looking good and the jewellery and the clothes. Their ‘standards’ were very high it was never possible for me to ever be like that. Growing up I was probably the object of many a ‘sympathetic’ looks and comments. If I had let them get me down I would have landed on a couch in front of a psych!
    My maternal side was all about family, being together and yes they had some quirks, but you knew you would be accepted with a paper bag over your head.
    This whole material thinking is not going to change with time, I see youngsters these days behave like the most important thing is the color of their nail polish and the ‘man, money,mansion’ wanting. We’re stuck in this forever!


    1. Hahaha seriously, the husband and i wonder about it. But from what i remember i enjoyed my wedding thoroughly. I think it is easier when youre busy and part of the celebrations as opposed to captive audience :-/


  3. Enjoy the wedding, Revati:) I abhor wedding ceremony coz I am asked when i gonna get married. Now, I’ve abandoned all urge to fight people and smile in a diplomatic manner. I tell you no land for single people. Goa is a lovely place to be cut off from people and would love to stay in South Goa to enjoy peaceful life away from the mad crowd.


  4. nishnu

    Haha – I was just thinking about this the other day. I cut my hair really short too and its going to be discussed a lot wherever I land up back home. I also do not plan to pack my ornate coral mangalsutra (which is in the bank locker with the other more subdued black mangalsutra) and will only wear a black dot instead of a colorful bindi with sequins. PK is always telling me to suck it up and just put up with the scrutiny until we’re back home and like you said … with every visit the threshold increases but it finally does boil over.

    When I was younger I always snapped and said what came to my mind. Sometimes I miss that – kept a lot of people at bay.


    1. Thankfully VCs family isnt hung up on mangalsutras and bindis. A few stray comments from distant relatives about my general disinterest in jewelry on the whole, might have been passed, but these things dont get to me anymore. Im thoroughly seasoned by time hahaha


  5. When are pompous parties going to go extinct? I am so tired of them. I thought I am leaving behind all of those stupid social norms, but guess what, people procreate and hold those pompous parties for their babies’ birthdays and continue those useless norms here. I am so annoyed that I can’t even form words. Material for a rant-post I guess.


    1. I attribute it to growing insecurities of people in life, in general which makes them cling on to age old beliefs and practices and make it their moral right to enforce them on all and sundry.. So we’re stuck for a while I think..


  6. Haha! I developed a biting tongue to keep my MIL at bay. Otherwise I would cry myself to sleep everyday! I can handle everyone else but her. Funny thing is, she says it herself, “You are nice to everyone else but me” I know I should forgive and I wish I could laugh it off (that would be IDEAL) but not I need more time. I think it’s elegant to be underdressed… you’d stand out, in a nice way. :)


  7. This is so me! Except that I can never be as diplomatic and end up blurting out atleast one thing that I regret later. And guess what? My sister in law ‘s (she’s eight years younger than I am )”Sreemantha” is coming up real soon! Do give me some nice retorts that I cna use with my MIL!


    1. Thankfully my MIL is the most understanding and least annoying person in VCs family. I dont ever have to give her any retorts. Also, I am equal parts diplomatic and equal parts chicken. I prefer to cower than engage and confront. I leave all the seething to be done in private.. Im conveniently peaceloving that way hahahaha


  8. Hehe.. with a few modifications this could be me on the topic of attending weddings!! I am totally with you on most points.. including when after all the effort I put into attending a wedding (that I would have gladly missed).. and then people go like but “the saree is not grand enough”.. I could only clonk them on the head!! Frankly, I thought only my cousins were so aggravating.. guess its universal…

    and weddings just keep getting more ridiculous these days from the item number like dances to the dreamy photo shoots.. although at times they do give me a good laugh!! and to believe that there are some people who enjoy attending weddings?! Ahh.. all kinds make it in this world!!


    1. In all likelihood I will enjoy the wedding because all the choreographed dance sequences, the forced dreamy wedding shoots and the general circus-baazi can be entertaining no? At this point, Im hoping there is enough of that to offset my peeves.. ugh.


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