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Amused

14 Mar

Aside from the ten minutes of pranayama I get at the Saturday pilates lesson, where I am forced to sit still, make feeble attempts to shut my brain down and shush those constantly criss-crossing thoughts in my hyper-active mind, and just be — I am constantly amusing myself with brain farts that come from virtually nowhere. The most unexpected things can trigger off a thought and I have turned to routinely laughing at myself, or with myself in reaction to some of them.And here’s just some of the things that amused me these past few days.

– The extreme loyalty the chumps at the Tata Photon customer care centre have to the script they’ve been handed, and probably taught to digest and regurgitate, on demand. So unflinching is their obedience, that even asking three different questions with increasing tones of exasperation, was met with the.exact.same.answer.every.time. I might as well have had a conversation with a tree.

– The repeated realisation that twitter is such an entertaining place to visit from time to time. Retweet an anti-Congress tweet and you’re stamped a Congress-stooge, retweet an anti-Modi tweet and you’re an AAP-ass licker. So telling of the wonderfully varied choices we have before us.

– The similar patterns reflected on fb. Dutifully pro-Congress people are so quick to lash out and indulge in AAP-bashing, but one trip to Gujarat and a mere attempt to take on Modi, and they turn into the most ardent admirers of Kejriwal and his troupe.

– The bittersweet truth that I have turned into a Goa-snob. Instagram photos of people holidaying in goa, mostly featuring the filled to the gills beaches of Baga and Calangute, complete with hashtag-goaaaaa-hashtag-vacayyyy-hashtag-bestsunsetevaaa make me want to repeatedly roll my eyes. On one hand I think let’s do a post about all the other kinds of beaches there are, and what there is to do/see there; but the blatant snob that I have become, I quickly suppress the urge and think, no, let’s not because then the tourists will be everywhere.

– The few people who continue to devotedly hit like on every.single.post that I publish (including the ones I do without a thought, and that I know are not the best I have ever come up with). It’s become a full blown peeve in my mind and I wanted to do everything in my power to stop the madness. So I took the likes off from showing up on the blog (so even if you hit like, nobody will know), I’ve un-ticked the email option that informs me every time someone hits like, and most recently even taken off my instant notifications. The only thing I can’t control is the like button that shows up when someone receives a post by email, and them hitting it the moment the post lands in their inbox. I should um, appreciate the appreciation, I guess. But I’m amused.

–  The fact that I still have it in me to react to random displays of asininity because I launched into a full on fb rant-session with a complete stranger, on A’s timeline, when she (random stranger, not A) left a rather meandering pointless comment, by way of trying to make a non-existent point. It was in response to Kalki’s monologue that is doing the rounds on fb. It seems there are still enough people on fb who just spend all day typing out junk because..well, because they can. The need to engage with her was totally optional. Unnecessary, even. And yet I reacted, engaged, frothed at the mouth some more and felt nothing but more rage.

– The resounding affirmation that comes from a single event like that, in reminding me why I have stayed off going public on fb for so long. I can’t control what people say and do, but I can control how much of it I expose myself to. The number of times we encounter such displays of stupidity is amazing, and there is only that much one can take, as a bystander watching it go by. Sooner than later, you jump in (like I did) and end up speaking up, indulging in futile armchair fb theorising that doesn’t result in much more than lots of acid build up and CTS. I’d rather I had read the monologue, savoured the inspiration and proceeded to act on all the impulses it spurred.

– The all new low that my dislike of beauty parlours has hit. I usually push a parlour visit until I just can’t anymore. I’m currently at that point where my eyebrows are growing eyebrows, and yet I’m not feeling inspired to go do something about it.

–  This.
IMG_5800
The husband* has been more out of the home than in for the last month or so. Solo weekends, dinners and movies alone, extended work hours (for me, because when you’re alone there’s nothing to distract you!) have become almost habit now. He took a night flight out to Bombay last week, and while I have toughened up to staying alone, an unexpected power cut that rendered the whole street pitch black freaked me out just a tad. I sent him that message, not expecting him to rush back to my rescue, but just because I had to tell someone I was scared, in the hope that I would receive some reassurance in response. His answer was typical.

And I can’t say it didn’t reassure me.

*Yes, that’s what he’s named on my phone. No, you can’t ask why.

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5 Responses to “Amused”

  1. Tin Roof Press March 14, 2014 at 10:27 pm #

    what was the argument about on the Kalki thing? now i want to know.

    there is something about a fb feud that really can take over your mind in a way thats insane. i once wrote an entire blog post because i was so enraged about someones fb post about sympathising with tarun tejpal and indirectly victim bashing.

    eyebrows – i stopped the eyebrow tweezing and teasing.

    actually thick brows are all the rage right now.
    then they’ll be out again,
    then no brows will be in,
    then thin drawn on lines will be in,
    then monobrows will be in and people will pay cosmetic surgeons to insert hair in-between the eye brows if they dont have them and poorer people will just pencil them in.

    joking aside i did see a girl, i think an air hostess at sahar airport in bombay with a full blown monobrow, it was clearly cultivated and not just left there. i mean it was a choice. and i gotta say. very striking. it looked good and strange at the same time.

    • hAAthi March 14, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

      I remember that TT post and I think Id left a comment on it too. Thats what I mean the quickness with which you can bash a thought out and put it out there is just so easy, theres all kinds of idiots flapping their gums about.

      This woman happened to think kalki has pointlessly ranted via a monologue, painting a bleak picture that leaves no room for action and hope. She seemed to think all is not as dismal as she has made it out to be or some such. And all i tried to point out to her is that as an art form the monologue is a theatric style that dramatizes things to accentuate and bring them to the fore. That art imitates life and that the truth is really far from sunshiney. That women choose whatever means they can to act. Performing a monologue at a national conclave is a pretty decent way to articulate your thoughts and put it out there. But she insisted it was hopeless and pointless to just “rant”. So after a few attempts to try and get her to see that sometimes women are womens own enemies with this kind of petty belittling, and that she must pick her own mode of action and “do something”, that typing comments on fb was not of much use, I gave up, wished her well and exited the convo. Of course it festered in my brain for a long time after.
      The monobrow has been cultuvated and in style ever since kajol donned one. I didnt do my eyebrows till i was in college and even mow I refuse to thin them out and shape them unnaturally. But for real, the fuzz situation has hit an all time low. Or high, if you look at it that way!

  2. Santulan March 15, 2014 at 10:02 am #

    It would be fun to have your name as Scoobie, and together you’re Scoobie Doobie….

    What people do not understand is that Kalki’s rant doesn’t hold for many people who don’t face such situations, but at the same time it is true for many more people for whom it is a daily struggle.

  3. Puneet March 18, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

    Loved Kalki’s monologue, its so good to see people using their position and avenues to highlight and talk about real issues.

    • hAAthi March 18, 2014 at 8:46 pm #

      Ditto. I felt the same way. Especially if its at an event like that. Even if it is just a rant its a start.

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