Sunday swing

Sunday

The news has depressed the daylights out of me this past week. Wherever I look, there’s a new atrocity. This week we’ve seen it all from violence against women, crimes against children, a plane crash, war, idiotic Indian politicians who never seem to take a break from doing asinine things, a natural calamity and its all over facebook and twitter. I try to get online, finish my work and get offline, but inevitably I let myself get into a discussion, evesdrop over a raging debate, or just keep reading — before I know it the day is done and I’m to my gills in bad news.

I shut the laptop, grumbling about another day gone by without working as much as I planned to. I take myself to the gym, the only place that has become a non-negotiable in my daily routine. I work my buns off, sweat out the sadness. It’s usually past 8.30 pm, and I tread slowly, dragging my feet back to my car and that familiar feeling returns — the fear that I cradle inside of me, the fear that is always bubbling beneath the surface, but I push away time and again. I’m out, alone, in the dark — what if something happens? The irony is I have just walked out of a kick boxing class — I come out feeling stronger physically, but wonder if something were to happen, would I be able to handle it mentally?

It doesn’t help that I have been homealone for the most of the week gone by. The husbands work trips are getting longer every time. Indoors too, I’m alone. But I brush the fears aside, just as long as I rush home and find myself indoors again. Safe. From everything outside of it. The rain, the dark, the people.

It seems like no place is safe anymore. Not this country, not the places we frequent, not even the schools we send our children to. Where is one to go if the only place I really feel safe is my own home?

*****

It’s a good kind of Sunday when the husband is home from a business trip. Its like temporarily putting a blanket over the fears that linger around. I have some music playing loud, as we rustle up idlies, sambar, chutney and mini vadas for brunch. Outside, it’s coming down in buckets, and it feels just so wet you want to stay indoors. Its safer indoors.

There’s nothing like a coastal monsoon to experience what wetness sounds like. Squelchy, pouring rain has a sound. And that sound, it feels wet. The grey skies hold back as long as they can — dark, looming large and heavy. And then when you’re least expecting it, tears apart, making way for a downpour. You’re indoors, and yet you feel just how wet it is outside.

Suddenly I feel glad to be indoors. In a neighbourhood that rarely has a crime reported. In a city that has so far been very, very kind to me. Where I can walk around after dark, in my gym clothes and not be leered at. Where wearing shorts doesn’t mean putting myself on display. Where I have never been groped. As yet. Where I can mostly be myself without having to cover up, think twice or need a chaperone. I’m glad I’m in a country that’s not at war. Yes, there are a lot of stupid people in influential positions making a lot of questionable decisions, but really, I feel safer here right now. And my heart goes out to those that have been in the news for all the wrong reasons this week.

Yes, it’s a good kind of Sunday. And I feel grateful. I feel glad. Even if just for a bit.

Incidentally, I just realised the playlist is a woman-strong one. So I’m sharing some favourites.

An old favourite, I suddenly caught it on the radio the other day. Amy’s voice is like mulled wine. Warm, spicy, dark and comforting. And this is one of my most loved Amy tracks. Perfect for a rainy day.

What is it about this woman! She’s so unusually appealing. I cannot quite put a finger on it. The music is pleasantly different, her hair, clothes, make up — just so unusual. The words, the unravel slowly and you realise what shes really talking about. I jumped on this train a little late, but I’m in love with Lorde.

Nina Simone is something I associate with the movies. Not the music I grew up listening to. The occasional track I remember is usually because it played in a movie, is all I know. But this track came to me in an 800 mb collection that was we-transferred to me across cities (yeah some of us do that for music). It’s grown on me. And how.

So listen, just stay happy, yeah? Stay safe and have a good Sunday, folks.

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22 Replies to “Sunday swing”

  1. Ditto on everything before the ***** :( And I live in Bangalore. :O To top that, I work from home and my phone, internet has range issues ONLY inside the house. Icing on the cake. Bheja Fried, in fact burnt.

  2. It is a sad sad situation. . I I wonder when it will all be fine as we keep saying.
    So much life loss ..and what all people do .. makes me mad.
    It’s not thay we sont have crime in uk..I see it everyday5 but its a different kind of crime..

    I think women are much safer here .. they can go about doing their work as and how they want.. now sure whats gone wrong or what is happening to the men in india.. I mean I have spent majority of my life in india and all my friends are there .. I mean we never thought like that.. oh its dark lets grope someone.. or tease or do things..

    Its as if suddenly something has taken over the male population. Back home. .

    Nit sure what to say its just makes me angry.. reading about what is going on

    1. Its too deep entrenched a problem to even begin to fathom what the many causes are. Its in the values we inculcate in our boys and girls, I think thats what it boils down to. And thats what makes it so hard to overcome. I think the reason it feels like the occurrence is more is because more people report and are talking about it. Its become a sensitive subject rather than one that people are afraid tot alk about. At least thats one good development — more people are open to reporting it.

  3. I am based outside India but subscribed to NDTV and Headlines Today. These days I don’t feel like watching news channel since it’s become so depression with vultures looming everywhere. My hope of a better India is whittling down. Thanks for the songs and downloading now.
    Happy Sunday.

    1. Yeah I have stopped watching the news on TV altogether, and dont get the newspaper for over a year now. Yet, its all around. I dont think my attitude of keeping away from the news is the best, but right now I am too tired and depressed to think.

  4. I hear you! It’s the same.. the more you read ..the more it makes you wonder how anything can happen to anyone anywhere… and its such an unsettling feeling! and its sickening when you read the depths of depravity man can fall to… what minds are these!

    1. It is. Unsettling, frustrating, helpless is predominantly how I feel when I read the news. And no matter how hard I try to abstain from reading it, the news is in your face these days! Very tiring to keep up.

  5. I know what your talking about. I was away for a week and came back to all this. It has been both infuriating and depressing. I dunno how we are ever going to fix this situation. I hope it doesn’t get to a point where we get immune to all the atrocities that happen around us and do nothing. But one really doesn’t know where to start from.

    1. Yes. At some level I wonder if there is really any going back from how far we have fallen. The cynic in me shakes her head vigorously. The pragmatist in me works overtime to plan an escape from this country. And the optimist, shes in there somewhere — tries very hard to find some hope. Even against all hope.

    1. Hey Revathi, I am a silent reader of your blog for quite a while now. I wanted to request a password for your latest post but I do understand you reserve the right. If you feel like it, you can email me :-)

      Xx
      Bhagyashree

      1. Bhagyashree, thank you so much for writing and asking. Always good to know a delurker ;) the post will be made public in time. I am not ready to go public with some info in there. But it will be out when its time comes :)

  6. I do not read newspaper or listen to news to save myself being depressed, but then it is all out there .. we just cannot prevent from knowing about it .. I am sad, depressed and helpless..But what can I do ??

  7. Hey… I thought I commented on this one….I said that you had done up your home really tastefully….from all the pics on this blog that I see…really beautiful and cosy…

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