I woke up earlier than usual today. After weeks of trying, I actually decided to rise (and not shine, because who can shine so frikking early in the morning) when the alarm went off today. It was dark outside, and I went about doing stuff in auto pilot. In no time, I was at my computer, typing away mechanically. The list of things to do? It’s not done yet, and I am powering through to get it ticked off. So there I was sitting in the dark, tapping away on my laptop, when I looked out the balcony doors. It was still dark outside, with a hint of the rising sun creeping up beyond the valley. And I had a moment. A this-is-insane moment. And in that moment, I reminded myself this morning that what we have pulled off, is nothing less than a feat, given how we began to talk about it so many months ago. We imagined it wouldn’t be anything more than a pajama party of sorts for a few over enthusiastic food bloggers we knew. And we didn’t think more than a handful of people would actually put pen to paper and actually make it. Given the reactions, the attention, the eyeballs, and the sheer excitement that I have seen brewing, it’s safe to say we had no clue what we were getting into, back then.
So if crazy is how its meant to be, so be it. Crazy is how it will be. I’m now resigned to it, which has made things a tad better. At least I’m not fretting over the complete absence of control over the multiple variables that are flying around. I am being a part of the organised chaos and letting things happen, rather than fighting to make them happen. Maybe I should have done this a few weeks ago. Actually scratch that. I know I should have done this a month ago. Because then I wouldn’t feel this way today.
Many people read the last few posts and wrote in, messaged and checked in to ask why I’m feeling and sounding so overworked. I have to correct the impression my post might have given. It has been crazy and I am exhausted, but I have enjoyed the high for the most part. It’s not the work that’s getting to me. It’s the fact that I mismanaged my time, that is really driving me crazy now that we are down to the countdown.
On Saturday last week, I realised I have a long way to go in selfishly putting myself above everything else happening around me. We are so used to being told not to be selfish, that we forget that sometimes, it can be a good thing. And it is definitely a tact I want to learn in some measure. Maybe then my own personal goals won’t suffer all the time. I’ve spent all of this week cribbing. And I am finally sick of myself. Sick of hearing my own whining, listening to whining, and complaining about how things are out of control.
And just then, it happened. The power went off. WiFi dies when that happens. Ten minutes later, my house help called to say she won’t be coming in. There was a storm brewing outside. Clashing, sharp, heavy big drops of rain that came down like knives. Mad wind, the kind that flung open locked windows and doors, that I struggled to pull back and close.
I went into the kitchen and looked at the sink full of dishes and the bucket full of dirty laundry waiting to be loaded in to the machine, and I knew at once what kind of day it was going to be. But I had had enough of cribbing. So I got to it. When I was done with the dishes, I decided I needed a serious upper if I had to get through the day without anymore complaints. I was just in time for the Zumba lessons I have given up this month. I pulled on my work out clothes and rushed off. An hour of dancing later, I felt like I could take on the day. It’s confirmed. I have turned into the person that needs a daily fix of endorphin to get going. Sometimes its all I need to put a smile back on my face. And I’m so glad it’s at close reach, and works every time.
When I returned, the power hadn’t come back. My laptop had drained, rendering it useless. All plans to get that extensive list of to-dos knocked off flew out the window. Additionally, the water was running low and without power, I couldn’t pump any more either. I took a deep breath, had a hot shower and made myself lunch, instead of taking myself out as earlier planned. If we’re talking about mood uppers, cooking a warm simple meal, comes next in line after working out. I was feeling much better. After eating lunch I had cooked, I felt fabulous.
Feeling restless with the inability to work, and sitting in a dark room with stormy weather outdoors, I decided there was no point staying cooped up. So I took off. Went and had two cups of coffee I could have done without. Read a book. Went to the salon for some much needed pampering that Iw as saving for the end of the week. But when life throws such opportunities at me, who am I to pass them up?
A back and shoulder rub later, I’m feeling ridiculously Zen. I’m sure the shit is going to hit the fan any moment now and burst this bubble, but I’ll wait for it to happen rather than invite it sooner than karma has planned.
At the start of today, I told myself through gritted teeth that the last thing I needed was another day gone by without finishing my work. And yet somehow it feels like that’s just what I needed. Here I am now. Half an hour away from my scheduled workout for the day. Of course I’m going. Again. It will give me the dose of energy I need at the end of the day. This is how I get through most days, these days.
Its either that, or 70% cocoa.