Some weirdness continues. Someone read the last post and asked me if maybe I needed to take a pregnancy test. It had me laughing out loud, all by myself. Apparently clumsiness, forgetfulness and over-emotional behaviour = possibly pregnant? Maybe so, but what about the power cuts and the cow in my backyard? And the encounter with the weird dude in the coffee shop? Never mind. Don’t answer that, I already know the answer.
On Friday, I finally managed to get myself on a much-overdue and what is turning out to be a jinxed conference call. Once we managed to sync our respective busy schedules and found an hour to spare at a time that was suitable to all the parties involved, I finally got google hangouts to work (yay!) after something like six months. Things were looking up as far as the call was concerned, and yet, somehow once we were actually dialed in, it took over twenty minutes to just get the call going and have all four members on-board, seamlessly stay on the call being subjected to randomly freezing in an unfortunate position, and eventually dying out on the others who spend more time saying “hello? hello? are you there? can you hear us?” than actually discuss the agenda. Thankfully we all found humor in the situation and decided to proceed with just three people present, in the interest of finishing what we started two months ago! Clearly, its just not a good time for communication and technology, especially if you’re expecting it to aid you in any fashion.
The power has been playing hokey almost every day. The record being four cuts over six hours, a few days ago. I’m beginning to suspect this is scheduled load-shedding that they forgot to schedule. And also conveniently forgot to inform us about. The area around my home is under litigation, which when sorted will make way for a tech park, I’m told. How and when these future tech parks will function when we don’t even go 24 hours without a drop in power, is beyond me.
In an attempt to escape the power-cut induced extreme heat at home, I decided to go out in search of the closest air-conditioned place that would let me sit around for a while. I discovered my car was unlocked, which meant it had been that way all night, for over twelve house. It’s a good thing I don’t hear of too much robbery or breaking-in around these parts. And it’s doubly good that VC wasn’t around when I discovered this.
Broken communication, undependable technology and general forgetfulness aside, the sluggish month that it has turned out to be, continues just as usual. I realise that at the heart of it, this is what has set my system out of whack. After over eighteen months of having a full, full (unplanned) schedule and so many different things always fighting for my time, is weird to not have too many demands to look into. After months of having some work or the other serendipitously land in my lap, it is weird to have to ask for it 9 our of ten times not receive a response. After months of having a hectic social life that I had the privilege of cutting back from, it is weird that the slow life, not by choice, is the default setting. All said and done, it is weird when everything changes so suddenly all at once. Work, life, home, mood-swings, emotions, etc.
Things have slowed down to the point of almost-mundane around here, and while I have spent a large part of this time silently worrying about when the next big opportunity will come my way, or what I ought to be doing to make it happen sooner than later, I realised not everything has been dismal around here. The house is in better shape than it has ever been. My kitchen has never been so well-stocked and actively used. I’m cooking two fresh meals everyday and I’m not bored as yet. My training has definitely benefited from the eating at home, eating well and over-all the husband and I feel much more energetic and healthy. After a lot of fighting inertia, I’m working on an almost-forgotten project again. It’s shaping up well too.
The realisation came like a flash on Friday evening, and almost immediately I began to feel the cloud clear. Maybe this is the retrograde waning? If you’re a skeptic and don’t believe in the ways of the planets, maybe this is just the universe telling me to deal with a little boredom for a change, than to just displace it on to another activity. Maybe this was a much-needed, necessary slowing down to the point of being at my wits end. Maybe this was just a silent call for me to turn to my own inner boss? To quit silencing the voice inside and look for a boss outside to guide me, give me work and pay me for it?
Maybe I just had to see what it was like to really have nothing happening for a while, so I could find new things and ways to be productive. Maybe this was what it takes to make sure I don’t take the bursts of life for granted. Maybe this too shall pass.