Day 18: End of day

Within a few hours of waking up with a cloud over my head the other day, I knew something was off. A series of events and a whole day later, I knew it wasn’t just me. Something else was at play. My first instinct in such situations is to the check the moon phase – yes I’m one of those loony people and the full moon affects me. But it was waning, and near gone. So I did the next thing I do, looked up the 2016 calendar for occurrences of Mercury Retrograde and lo and behold, we are smack in the middle of one.

I tried to play it cool. But when I had two instances of communication breakdown, I was feeling it in a way I couldn’t ignore it. Then on Friday, I slipped down the stairs at home and landed on my right side, bounced three-four stairs down before I came to a halt, because I had nothing to break my fall. On Saturday, when I was pureeing some tomatoes, I decided to (stupidly) wing it when they were not fully cooled, and it ended up splattering all over my kitchen wall, the bottles lined up behind my mixer and a stack of freshly washed dishes. In my defence, the tomatoes weren’t piping hot either, and I’d stuck them under a fan with the express intention to cool them before I puree them. But when something has to get fucked up, it does anyway I think.

So I now have a right buttcheek that is a a profusion of colours. Today it actually looks like a piece of Starry Starry Night. I’ve spent the last week feeling low on energy, lethargic and getting to my workout has been challenging – so not me. Ever tried constantly pushing irritation away? It’s not me, I’m not used to it and its no fun. I don’t even know how to deal with it. I snapped at the hugsband unnecessarily a couple of times too. And don’t even let me get started on how my mind has been all over the place, unable to focus on work and the consequential dip in productivity.

It could just be that that has been my state of mind, given that it has been this way (in varying degrees of disarray) since the start of January, coinciding with me working through some issues in my head. It could be that I am just being hyper-aware of the latent confusion and reading about the Retrograde just gives me a convenient reason on which to peg it all. t could also be that I am actually feeling quite bogged down by the things in my head, and looking for every little reason to take time out from the mundane everyday activities and this is a good reason to let go a bit and allow this (whatever it is!) to pass.

Whatever it is, it’s certainly not normal for me. And I’m feeling quite beside myself with the confusion of vacillating thoughts about the situation I’m in, and figuring out a way to work through it and move forward.

I turned my laptop on this morning, ostensibly to get a head start on my mountain of tasks for the week. My laptop adaptor just wouldn’t work. And that’s when it hit me. And the last straw snapped.

I’m really done with this Mercury Retrograde raining on my parade like this. The cloud over my head, I can deal with. The confusion, I will work through it eventually. The communication breakdown, I will sidestep. But really, when things around me physically start giving up, I know I’ve had enough. The last retrograde had my laptop dying on me, causing us to incur a completely unnecessary and unexpected expense in replacing it. I really didn’t know what was in store this time. Thankfully the Mac store here had the adaptor for my laptop in stock, the very last piece no less, and so I bought it, astronomical price notwithstanding.

I spent the day in the same autopilot mode I felt take over last week. I ate a hazelnut chocolate pastry with a scoop of ice cream to even things out. It worked. But only for a bit.

To make up for skipping my workout today (as a result of non-working adaptor that needed immediate sourcing, which set my day out of whack) I stepped out for a walk. And saw this.

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And this.

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And momentarily, I caught myself thinking, If every day of this damned Mercury Retrograde ends like this, I could deal with it.

But scratch that.

I take it back. Just give me sunshine and blue skies. And maddening sunsets and spectacular clouds. It’s not too much to ask for, is it?

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11 Replies to “Day 18: End of day”

  1. OMG that’s a lot of chaos happening in your world. And that fall from the stairs sounds scary :|
    Hope you are feeling bit better now after that refreshing walk.
    Love the pictures 😃
    Take care.

  2. There are days like that when we get bogged down by things. An exercise that I was doing earlier but not doing, is thinking and saying it won’t be the same in another 3 weeks or month. It makes me peaceful. Hope you recovering fast from the fall.

  3. Is that what it is? I am having shitty days since the beginning of the year. Couldn’t point a finger at anything but I didn’t feel like myself. As if I lack my inherent strength. I go quiet so often, which is unlike me and I feel sad though I don’t know what caused it.

    I am going to see if 25th has some effect. I am quite surprised that I could relate with all you are saying. I did not splatter tomato everywhere but I have done equally irritating mistakes. Hmmm…

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