At the start of this year, I had a distinct feeling that I had lost a little bit of myself to the madness that was 2015. So to bring back some harmony and turn inwards again, I drew up a broad list of things I wanted to do. Guiding lights to stick to, in order to find my way back to where I used to be. And one of those things was to write everyday. In some way. Either online or offline. To just sit with myself, find something, big or small, that happened in the day, that was worth remembering. It hasn’t been about the writing itself, as much as it has been about the habit of sitting down with the express intention of looking back at the day. And it came from the growing, gnawing feeling that when the noise takes over its very easy to slip into auto pilot mode and slide from one day to the next, without really mindfully living the many moments that make up the says that fuse into nights.
Within a week of starting this exercise, a couple of friends asked me if I was participating in a blogathon or some kind of challenge. I guess it’s become hard for us to relate to any habit as just that – a habit – without attaching it to a pact or a hashtag or an organised virtual activity of some sort. But really, there is nothing more to it than just the attempt to make some time for myself everyday. It’s also why I’m not rigidly holding myself to the rules. I post when I can, as often as I can, and when I can’t I do multiple posts at one shot, jogging my mind back to each day. I am leaving weekends out because the other thing I am doing is not turning on my laptop on holidays.
I don’t expect this daily chronicling to gather any interest at all, because I’ve outgrown the need to follow similar rambling on other peoples blogs, so I can’t imagine this is interesting reading, by any stretch of imagination. I even momentarily considered making the blog private, or taking this to an actual diary, instead of the internet. But there is a comfort in this space, an ease that makes the words flow and maybe that is a good thing. Also, to my surprise several people have told me at different points this month that either some post helped them, resonated with them, or touched them in some way. I find this really satisfying. As far as I’m concerned, I’m mucking around. Because this isn’t even an exercise in “proper” writing. I don’t worry about language too much, and I rush in and out as fast as I can because over thinking it usually means I don’t hit publish fast enough. Since, it is more about sitting with myself for those 30 minutes and looking back on the day in the hope that something stands out from the blur, I’m happy to just be able to put something out at the end of every day. So if that something, that emerges from the chaos of my days can somehow mean something to someone out there reading it, I’m happy to keep it open.
I don’t have an end date in mind, and I don’t even know how long I can keep this up. And you can tell I’m allowing some flexibility by the flurry of back-dated posts that many of you tried to read but didn’t reach because I’m mucking around with the urls.
It’s been an interesting exercise, not just in getting myself to recollect the good, the bad and the so-so bits of every day, but also it just sitting still and emptying my mind out a little bit. So far, it’s been interesting, mildly cathartic and I’ve surprised myself with the realisation that even the most mundane or ordinary days somehow manage to have something stand out from the blur.