For someone who didn’t cry too much in the past few years, I seem to be suddenly making up for it over the last few months. It’s like the taps are perpetually on trickle mode, and even the slightest nudge makes the waterworks come on, full swing. I don’t know if its the heightened emotional awareness, but sometimes I think its just a perfect coming together of things.
(Near)Perfection has that potential to cut right through the haze, life a cloud in an instant. The feeling compares with butterflies in your stomach, the uneasy flip-flop of new love. Like meeting someone, and within mere moments of exchanging a few words, allowing them to somehow reach right in to your chest, grab your heart and squeeze it delicately, so you come to a staggering halt. And you have no option but to cry.
This morning, as I drove to the gym the sun was shining brightly behind me. I caught the glint in my rear view mirror, dodged it ever so slightly. Then I made a u-turn on the route I usually take, and faced the mighty sun, in all its brightness, head on. Something about being bathed in that morning glow, unencumbered and awash in swathes of golden hue made me feel minute. Insignificant. Small. Like a dot of pollen on a just-bloomed flower, delicately balanced on a fresh green stalk, poised on a branch, on a plant, stuck on a spot of land somewhere on this mammoth planet. There was a bit of perfection in that moment, even just by itself, as I drove into the glow. And a single tear made its way down my cheek. First one, then another, and another, till there were steady streams that I could no longer control. Something about near-perfection. But perhaps something to do with the music that was on too.
Some note combinations, certain instruments, the predictable and familiar patterns that touch me, the stickiness of melodies that stay with you for a reason. The lilt of a shehnai, lament of the flute, the deep rounded open-faced beats of the dholak, the tug of the violin, combined with the heartrending rendition of heartfelt vocals.
A mere 30 second sequence in this track had moved me to tears, and I made my way to the gym sheepishly wiping them away.