A shitty work day sometimes needs perspectives to be realigned. Some pondering, some contemplation, some heated discussions with the hugsband, and I recalled this installation from an art exhibit I was at a few months ago.
Today I woke up to the realisation that I have been very disorganised in following up with pending payments. A quick calculation revealed just how grossly obscene the outstanding amount is.
It hit home hard and drove me to the point of blinking back tears as I glared at my excel sheet that was fast getting fuzzy, because I have worked super long and hard the past 6-8 weeks. Pushed myself in terms of longer hours, wider scope of work, dipped my toes into more than a couple of new things. I was feeling very good about it all until I realised this morning that all of that is for naught, if the billing on paper doesn’t make it into the bank in time.
I have felt the burden of being a one man show, of late. It’s getting very hard to play all the roles of business developer, researcher, pitching person, writer, accountant, admin at work, while also juggling home maker, cook and maintainer of domestic sanity around home.
Repeatedly, I find myself at the same crossroads, with the same toss up tearing me up inside. Choosing is hard. Letting go is harder still.
I needed a good fresh pair of eyes to look at the situation and the hugsband did the best thing anyone could have today. A good long conversation with him and I felt better, more in control of fixing this mess.
It involves Taking a few steps back. Redoing some things. Taking a couple of hard calls. Being brave. And most of all, letting go.
I realised again today, stepping back is an essential part of moving forward. Unlearning old habits is also a kind of learning. Sometimes upside down is actually the right way up.