Last month in worries-vanish-within-my-dream

April came and went in an absolute flash, perfectly blending a few busy days where I had no time to do much else but keep swimming, a whole lot of time with family, and a very liberal dose of Goa-tinged nostalgia. It is almost like my subconscious steers me in the direction I need to move, without my ever realising or noticing it. In March I felt a bit run down and tired from not having enough time to myself. And almost in response, April gave me a lot of that.

April had so much family time — mostly down time spent at home, with them, or reading and catching up on TV. My grandmother came down for her annual summer trip and this year, more than ever before I got to spend time with her. This year, more than ever before we have actually engaged, chit-chatting as she spirals down her rabbit hole of memories.

I marvel at what it must be like to be in her 80s, in 2018, having experienced the sea change the world has seen in just one lifetime. Changes not only in the world around, but closer home, amongst her family, her children and grand children. Life today, is nothing like it used to be when she was younger. It isn’t even bear a remote sliver of likeness to what it must have been like when she was younger — having witnessed the Independence movement, the onset of liberalisation and the boom that followed. If I live to be 80 or more, I wish for at least half the agility, quiet calm and wisdom she has to watch peacefully as things change.

Time spent chatting with her also spiralled a lot of contemplation for me. And I’m thankful for the little break from hectic work and assignments to allow the churn to throw things up like it did.

Last month, in severe contemplation:

1. I realised it is impossible to seek happiness alone, without a host of other feelings.
2. Priorities, and the busy-trap
3. Musing about punctuality (or the lack of it), passive aggression online, and cats
4. On the necessary autumns of our lives
5. Some more thoughts about my body and how it has changed as much as how I feel about it has changed
6. A visit to LifeStyle and more thoughts about accepting our different bodies happened
7. Self-improvement is usually two steps forward and one step back
8. Self-improvement, change and how it sometimes affects relationships
9. On the meaning of ambition, success, productivity and finding myself outside of it

Last month, in what happened:

1. I read two books about marriage
2. Unexpected catching-up with long-lost friends
3. I finished 100 days of posting this year, on exactly the same day that I moved to Bangalore last year
4. Some overt self-love lets itself shine through
5. Work took over our home for a week

Last month, in indecision:

1. I realised my Bangalore honeymoon is officially over, and this city is getting to me
2. Consequently, I spent a whole week home-sick for Goa, and contemplated thoughts on living well and how much the city around matters

Last month, in gratitude:

1. Because everything is never as it seems
2. Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow
3. I got mad, mad love
4. All the small things
5. Just a stirring in my soul

One month ago: Day 92: March
Two months ago: Day 60: February
Three months ago: Day 32: January

Two years ago: Day 134: Things about VC I never want to forget #16