Day 248: You shoot the moon, and miss completely

The panic has subsided. I woke up calm and composed today. Almost zen, despite having written off yesterday to period cramps that rendered the entire day spent in bed, binge-watching youtube videos* (everything from political interviews to ScoopWhoop townhalls and F1 recap videos for the year), instead of getting started on that really long list of deliverables I have to work my way through.

I’ll just wake up and begin, I told myself at midnight when I eventually turned my laptop off.

And I did. I have worked through today. Quite systematically. Ably aided by Apple Music. After lunch, I took myself to a newly opened Third Wave Coffee Roasters near home (the nearness of which is causing me serious heartache about moving away from Bangalore!), from where I told myself I would not leave until I have worked through the 6 essays I have to submit for my course. Tonight.

At the start of the course I knew I’d have to write these. I was prematurely excited about it. I’ve been rather disciplined about chronicling the year-long developments and my journey in a journal as we’ve been asked to. This was meant to make the writing easy. My study buddies and I have met three times in the last month to discuss said assignments. Each meeting had me excitedly bursting with things to say, discuss. I’ve been so clear about what I have to share for a while now.

And yet, here I am. Waiting for the nth hour. Waiting for last minute panic to strike.

(It hasn’t as yet, in case you’re wondering.)

I spent three hours at Third Wave. Three very productive hours spent writing non stop. The only glitch is I’ve been writing work things, not my essays. A large chunk of work things that are in no pressing rush to be addressed. Work things I have to submit across the month.

Does this happen to anyone else? A critical deadline looming large, and all you want to do is literally everything else? So you go about it all with alacrity and urgency, full of purpose and efficiency that could be directed to the most imminent deadline instead?

It’s the equivalent of sitting down to put on a face before running out of a house on fire.

I had a hot coffee. A cold coffee. And I stress ate a pain au chocolat. In anticipation of last-minute panic.

It hasn’t arrived as yet.

Somewhere in between nervously nibbling at my pain au chocolat and typing away furiously (at those things that aren’t due for a long while) I made an accidental glance at the calendar on my laptop. And I realised in a moment of fright and joy that my mental calendar is running 24 hours ahead of time.

Which means I have a whole day — twenty four full hours — left before my submission day ends.


I could cry with relief and joy right now.

Because it means I can shut my laptop down for now and begin this afresh tomorrow.
Because all the work I’ve done ahead of time today means I can peacefully focus on nothing else but my essays tomorrow.
Because my efficiency and productivity won’t be in vain.
Because I can go eat anther croissant or something to celebrate.
Because finally, I know why lat minute panic hasn’t struck as yet.


*Recommendations from yesterdays binge-watch:

  1. Trevor Noah’s entire goddamn Behind The Scenes playlist. If there’s anything funnier than his actual show, it is this. It had me laughing out so loud, VC had to come check in on me a couple of times during the day.
  2. Kunal Kamra’s chat with Kavita Krishnan gave me new love for Kunal Kamra, and a very welcome perspective on Left Politics which I have never given a thought to.
  3. Karan Thapar’s interview with Arun Shourie is a scathing, brutally honest, logical, extremely articulate review of the current political regime and state of affairs in the country. I’m petrified for 2019, but watching this gave me a few clues on what I can do as a worried citizen.
  4. Radhika Apte has all my love anyway, but this interview sealed the deal.

8 thoughts on “Day 248: You shoot the moon, and miss completely

  1. Pingback: On writing about my emotional process – haathi time

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  5. Pingback: Day 249: I wanna see you be brave

  6. I do the same thing..
    Postpone something which is of a priority till i hit the panic button ;meanwhile i merrily go about working on a non priority stuff..just because I am more inspired to do the non priority stuff at that moment!


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