A little over a 100 posts to go to close this year. I’m actually a bit flummoxed at how I’ve managed to do it without missing a single day. But the honest truth is, I’ve enjoyed keeping this habit and the benefits of it too much. So much that I’ve been wondering if this is something I want to keep going. Even if I am unable to post everyday, maybe a 2-times a week rule? Or 3, if I were to include a gratitude post every week.
The ups of this have been immense, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit how much more addictive it has been this year, than in 2016 when I did it last. I can’t tell for sure if it’s the better state of mind that’s made writing daily a more appealing habits, or if the daily writing has contributed to feeling better over all. Maybe it’s different things at different times. Either way, this has worked very well for me.
The other thing I’ve been thinking of lately is how I’ve found a whole different dimension and depth of friendship in recent time. I was pondering about who I find myself most drawn to, and who I find myself very easily going out of my way to reach out to. And I realise that this year, it has been more about the grounding, nurturing and uplifting friendships far, far more than those that are good for just the laughs. I love those too, those are great and they continue to endure, but there has been a definite shift in some of my other relationships which feels like sinking deeper and like we’ve unlocked a new level I didn’t know possible.
It’s interesting also to note that all these friendships are with women, almost every one of them older than me. And suddenly my life is full of them. There’s S, and D, and K, and A, and N and then a few at the fringes who I may not get to meet as often as we intend to (what with traffic and failed plans coinciding so much!), but there are smatterings of conversations that assure me that there are connections with meaning. This is not something I saw coming, and yet here I am, thoroughly loving it. Enjoying the way in which I can lose track of time and myself deeply engaged in conversation, finding how even the most simple hang-out over unfussy breakfast gives ample room for the kind of interaction that is life-affirming and soul satisfying.
Last week brought this fact back to my mind, yet again. And like S said to me after a gorgeous afternoon we spent together, this is the kind of friendship that feels affirming, like watering and nurturing a plant. That makes me feel physically warm, held and like I have grown in the minutes of that interaction.
On the weekend I was a bit overwhelmed. Despite my best intentions and plans, I still had a lot of odds and ends of work left to close before we go off on vacation tomorrow. I realised though, that panic is more debilitating than the real workload. The stress distracts me more than it fuels me to finish up. So instead of convincing myself that I actually didn’t have too much left to do, and that I could push it to the last minute, I actually have steadily worked through the weekend. While also juggling hotel bookings, train bookings and the like.
I’m not done yet. I have a few small things to wrap up today after which I hope to get a sense of what I want to pack. I am determined to not leave it all up to the nth hour as I usually do. But I suppose some things do not change.
Thankfully there is the rain to keep me indoors. I’ve been enjoying the weather so much this past weekend. After an blindingly bright and oppressively hot few days last week, it’s been wonderful to have the rain come back. It stirs a kind of homely nostalgia in me that is reserved only for Bangalore rains that makes leaving so hard.