It’s been a long day once again. And I’m just about making it in the nick of time once again. Today, in addition to being physically exhausted, I am also pretty tired in my head. Class was heavy and drew me in completely. I’ve come away pondering about the idea of surrender and what it has come to mean. Not just in the most obvious ways that I have seen it pan out in my life, but a few layers deeper.
Surrendering to ideas? Or the lack of them? Or the possibility of a new kind of idea?
As much as I have experienced surrendering to situations and circumstance, and as much as I’ve been pushed to do this every so often this year, I realised today that I have also experienced a kind of surrender with reworking my beliefs and values. My idea of feminism, for example, has been pummelled to the ground — things I held as absolutes have turned to absolute dust — and emerged anew. I’ve been forced to surrender to ideas I was so deadly sure I never would. To give up my stronghold on absolutes I wanted so bad to be eternal. I’ve had to rethink non-negotiable, inalienable truths. And find meaning and solace in ideas I once thought were beneath me.
It was only from the chaos and destruction of the old, and surrendering to that in between of non-existent ideas and of nothingness, has a new normal started to emerge.
This is one of my favourite Rumi quotes, and I hadn’t seen the full version in forever. Until today.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and righting,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.
Again and again, I am astounded by how the same message keeps coming to me in various different forms and ways, again and again. And again.
Today, I’m going to bed with the idea of surrender swimming in my head. I’m going to sit with it, just let it be. Marinade in it, soak it up. And see what emerges.
One year ago: Booooook post