Not very long after coming back to Bangalore and being on my own here, I realised just how much I have missed having a workspace of my own. It seems ultra-rich to have arrived at this awareness of the lack of it, at a time when I am actually surrounded by nothing but my own solitude, and I have the entire house to myself. It’s odd, and a bit upside- down, I’m aware. But I have found myself thinking fondly back to the time I had an actual room — a dedicated space in which to retreat for all things work. And not travel around with my laptop from dining table to bed. It’s more than just a desk-space I long for, but a space to fuel my energy. I imagine it to be a room with a desk, yes. But more, a place where I can have a vision board up, have all my books and cards within easy reach (given how I’m currently thumbing through many books for many different purposes), a little altar for a newfound calling, and also space to chill where I can think, read, ruminate, work, take calls, practice tarot and anything else that I might fancy.
It’s a bit ironic that I have a whole extra bedroom in this home (in addition to the rest of the house to myself) but it’s not once I can use for much at the moment. With our collective life currently split between Goa and here, I don’t feel inclined to put in time, money or effort into turning it into anything either. But, there is this longing for that space as I see it in my head. Some part of me also knows that this space as I see it isn’t in the now, but a space in the future. A space that is still in the making, if that makes any sense at all.
Yes, yes, I know this reeks of bratty privilege. Such a first-world problem this, to have a whole home to call my own, and still want another room. The thing is, I have been enjoying being in my cocoon at home so much that I very quickly resort to lying in bed. Even when I’m working, I find myself working out of my bed. And you know how that goes right? It very quickly devolves into a Netflix binge that leads to inevitable sleep. I am at my productive best when I am at my folks’, and the instances when I had A and S separately, over for “work dates”. This is a strange place I find myself in. On the one hand, I am allowing myself the luxury of this non-rigid existence, enjoying the mid-morning Netflix binge as much as I am working late into Sunday night. There is space for both, right from the cozy environs of my bed. Yet, on the other, I find that the distinct feeling of wanting to get into action towards new areas of interest are also beginning stir quite vigorously. And that calls for a totally different kind of space. Outside of my head. Outside of my bed. And in a room of my own.
Title and current mood inspired by: