New thoughts on vulnerability.
It involves taking a risk and pushing out my comfort zone.
But choosing the right people makes landing this risk easier.
Even so, sometimes it will not be met in a fashion I may expect or even deeply desire.
And there is always at least a 50% chance I will feel let down and meet disappointment from time to time.
But that is not enough reason to give up and close the lid on what has now been opened.
Because vulnerability is the only way to forge real connection.
One year ago: January
Three years ago: On creative happiness
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As in, when someone is being completely vulnerable and I am the recipient, I sometimes empathise by pointing out my own thoughts and experiences. Sometimes, this has totally backfired, so now I try to first listen, just truly listen.
About being on different pages – I am sure you are right. Just like your other post, where people thought you were depressed, but actually you were in a good place, I am sure I understand very little of what you must be feeling or going through based on blog posts alone.
I recently let go of a very very old friendship (about as old as I am) and it hurt like hell. It was inevitable perhaps, but it took a very serious breach on the other person’s part, that I simply can’t overlook, however tempted I might be. You see, as my last olive branch, I sent a picture of my new born to her – an introduction if you will. And my email went unanswered. I can’t get over this transgression. Forgive perhaps, but not forget.
This was, I think, me being vulnerable all over your blog’s comment section :)
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Is the email id you used to comment an active one? There’s so much in your comment I’m nodding vehemently at, and feel drawn to write you an email :)
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Oh please do! Yes, very much active.
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A spot on observation – being vulnerable is the first step to make a real connection !
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My thoughts on the above (and it’s something I think about quite a bit) – You will definitely be disappointed – not just 50% of the times. Just like you will disappoint those who seek to be vulnerable with you. Sometimes, people will have their own sh!t to deal with and your vulnerability is not something they can handle. That’s your problem not theirs, and you should know when to back off – graciously. Authenticity in relationships is really the only way – otherwise you are just wasting your time pretending and being pretended to. Just have the wisdom to know not everything you see is about you, sometimes you are just being shouted in front of and not at.
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Sure, all valid points in the first half of your comment. My post is just a few “recent” additions to an exhausting ever expanding, ever evolving list of observations on the topic. By no means water tight, absolute or exclusive. Everything in the second half of your comment strikes me as possibilities that I’ve come to believe I must accept and still be vulnerable if the said connection is important to me. I think vulnerability is a key element of an authentic connection, but by no means a tool for manipulation, attention-seeking r a reason to believe I am the centre of anybodys world. In my experience, even when people have had their shit going on and their own issues to worry about, true vulnerability has been met by kindness and empathy.
Im curious, what is an ideal “response” or way to receive vulnerability, in your mind?
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In my mind, ideally, vulnerability must be met with a certain amount of selflessness. This is not the time to shout me too! even though it can be super tempting. At this point, you are a receptacle for someone’s process and you need to be there to truly listen, absorb and be there for that person. In reality, I have often gotten so excited and been so touched, I have waded in with my own observations. At the very worst, the other person clammed up. Basically, I managed to stem the tide of their outpouring with my own excited (over) sharing.
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Shout me too?
Sorry, I didn’t get that. And I get a sense we’re in two very different pages. Plus limited scope for background and details in a blog post :)
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