Finding flow again

It’s been a while since I experienced a state of flow like I did today. I’ve only ever felt it when I’ve been so completely into doing something that it absorbs me wholeheartedly in a way that makes me zone out, the world spinning on like it does, but all I can see or hear, all that I am aware of is the task I’m engaged in. It has consumed me fully, taken me to a strange otherworldly state of bliss. I have experienced this with baking, writing and reading before. Times when hours had passed, but I was entirely clueless of the passage of time and when I suddenly snapped back to reality, I was in utter disbelief about how long it had really been, and how deeply engrossed I had gotten. This was years ago.

Today, it happened at the gym.

I was so slow to wake up. Even though I went to bed early and got a good night’s sleep, that old familiar feeling of wanting to hit snooze till eternity came over me. So, I got to the gym ten minutes later than I usually do. It’s the kind of thing that used to earlier really bother my Type A mind that could only work a regimen to the T, the way I have it chalked out in my brain. Even the smallest deviation would make my motivation drag and a 10 minute delay would sometimes mean I’d cancel the workout completely. But some things have changed, I suppose.

So anyhow, in my groggy state this morning, while trying to get myself out the door before I give in to the deep desire to sleep again, I glanced at my workout of the day, saw only the top line mention a 20 minute run and thought Oh, that seems easy enough. It was all the push I needed. And off I went. Earphones on, Sapporo (currently the only album that’s fuelling the running) on full blast, I began to run.

I don’t know what happened after, but the next thing I know, the 20 minutes were done I felt like I’d barely been running for 5 minutes. Energy pulsed through me, and I  could almost feel it charging down my legs urging me to get going some more. It’s been challenging getting my running form up again. Every day last week I’ve had to really, really push myself through to the end of the running bit of the workout. It has taken every ounce of willpower to push through that burn and not give up when I think I’m done. The wonderful thing about finding this flow today, was how all of that difficulty just dissipated entirely, without my awareness. It’s the sort of switch that makes pain turn sweet, makes that inner voice (that sometimes tells me to give up) just disappear, and makes every moment spent with the task at hand an absolute and perfect joy.

Running those 20 minutes were a visceral pleasure that I could feel in my soles snug in my shoes, in my quads taking me farther with every step, in my hips that were no longer straining to keep up with me but were working in perfect synchrony, getting my legs to find the rhythm they’ve been gingerly trying to get a hold on for the last ten days.

Then. The killer.

I glanced at my WOD and realised the 20 minute run was just the start. The next few lines to follow “21 minute run” went like this:
5 minute rest
15 minute run
5 minute rest
12 minute run

And as if that wasn’t enough, a 15 minute conditioning burst to finish.

Misreading that is usually the kind of mistake that would make me either go back home, or fudge the rest of the workout. But today something took over me. I don’t know if my supplements are finally kicking in, or I needed 8 days back at the gym to find my groove again, or if Shingo Nakamura kicked things into place for me today, but today it really felt like divine timing waiting to happen. Like disconnected parts aligning slowly and moving towards that one moment when everything clicks into place just so. Like perfection waiting to happen. As a result, something really special, and surprising happened today.

I didn’t fudge the workout. I didn’t feel the need to give myself the I’ve-just-started I-can-go-easy excuses. No shortcuts, no sneaky cheats. I finished.

And I felt utterly blissful.

It’s a different matter that when I left the gym there wasn’t an inch of dry surface area on my tee, I wished for one of those Tesla cars that drive themselves, and a remote controlled house key that needed only a click of a button.

Boo-yeah.

One year ago: Just go ahead, let your hair down

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