I’m finding constant affirmation of my understanding of how much the process* of leaning in to my current needs, in the pursuit of becoming a whole, grownass, emotionally healthy woman, actually amounts to tending to the very same needs of my inner child — to make and take space, to feel safe, to be seen and heard.
It’s deeply gratifying to see how as one is soothed, the other is strengthened. And it is extremely reassuring to see that the outcome of this process has some many different forms. I experience it sometimes as a wholeness and steadiness. Sometimes it manifests as confidence. Sometimes it makes itself seen as peace and contentment. Sometimes as an ease in listening to myself, and a flow in following through. Sometimes as a quiet, a lack of words but an extreme fullness. Sometimes an inexplicable, overflowing love and positivity. Sometimes a feeling of power and being untouchable.
Most times it is a reassuring sense of security, of having found a place, of feeling my age, of having my feet firmly on the ground. It’s like stumbling on something so precious, I want to nurture it forever and ever, and never let it go. It’s a deep, deep sense of being, feeling, having enough.
*Understanding this (my) process constantly reminds me of Wild Geese, this gem of a poem by Mary Oliver that is always a fitting reminder that so often, all I need to do is just listen. And go with it.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
— Mary Oliver
One year ago: Like happiness is a truth
Three years ago: Kangana Ranaut’s crash-course in honesty, feminism and empathy