Step up

Yesterday I had what felt like a seminal therapy session. So much was stirred up for me with this experience from a few weeks ago, that over the last 10-15 days I’ve been regurgitating much of it, trying to process, learn and put into practice what has come from it. And yesterday, after several weeks of difficult sessions that pushed me to hard places, I finally felt like things had come to a head.

There was a significant movement. A big leap forward. The awareness of it felt even bigger than the shift itself.

One part of the narrative I’ve been mulling over these past few weeks has been my relationship with perfection, and the many ways in which it hinders me. In many ways, the win has come in a way that seems like I have crushed some part of that relationship to the ground and am ready to rebuild a new one. One that works for me.

And I came out happy and ready to cancel the day and celebrate. I had plans to work on my assignment, but the real desire was to go and get a mid-morning drink.

I also came out of therapy thinking of another line from Lisa Ray’s memoir that has really stayed with me and gotten embedded in my eyes.

I’ll try to make more mistakes — I won’t try to be so perfect.

One year ago: Heavy mottled love

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