This past week, and weekend, I’ve been so taken by an emerging spontaneity that is slowly but surely creeping out of me.
It’s fresh and zesty and so unlike anything I have ever experienced before. There is a lightness about me, the way in which I am connecting with people and events and the implicit way in which no reaction seems unfit.
Everything seems to fit suddenly. And I’m noticing it all from a distance, but feeling it all intensely.
I am so enjoying this coming to life. This breaking down of some parts of a lifelong persona. Every small highlight or glimmer of the authentic self beneath it all showing up and gaining shape, size and strength.
Some highlights of spontaneity:
Attending the Bangalore efforts towards the Global Climate Strike and feeling overwhelmed, charged and like I belong. To be in the midst of almost a 1000 people united for a single cause was all kinds of empowering.
An overwhelmingly beautiful pink sunset that I caught while zipping across town to make it to a movie screening I randomly decided to attend. My father joined me too and we made an evening of it.
An unplanned pre-birthday dinner with my father and my sister and sharing a table, food and many laughs.
A new black dress, a belt cinched at the waist in most uncharacteristic fashion (for me), new pink shoes and the willingness and energy to go from one party to another in one night, only to get home close to 2.30 am.
Going with the flow and allowing myself the space and permission to honour my pace, my needs and my state of mind on Sunday morning, over what needed to be done. Choosing to sit that round out, despite the discomfort of being critiqued for it.
I realised this morning that I’ve been unintentionally, unconsciously brave a lot lately. And when I say brave, I mean this newfound energy that’s allowing my real self to be seen more often than not. Without realising it, I’ve been looking out for myself in a deeply personal way, like I haven’t known before. Those are mostly the moments where my true self shows up. But I don’t always realise it or give those moments, or myself, their due. But, I think this is what being comfortable in one’s own skin feels like. What an absolutely exciting place to be, this is!
One year ago: You’re still young and that’s your fault (Paris. Day 4.)
Two years ago: Joyful
Three years ago: Moarrrr books