One of the things that helped put the brakes on the downward spiral of despair that I felt was inevitable, has been focusing my energy on reflecting how I can be actively engaged in my life, going forward. From composting garbage in my apartment complex to trying to shop more at the local store rather than Reliance Fresh. Thinking a little deeper about my impact on the planet and doing at least five small things differently in my day to day life. Front deeply the need to grow and deepen my capacity for compassion and generosity beyond my own people. To think with a a little deeper involvement about how I engage with not just people but the world starting right outside my doorstep. Wondering how I can move thru the polarities that have starkly emerged, without “othering” the many many many people who I see at the far end of the spectrum from me. To connect even as we are so clearly separate. To evolve along this curve in a way that is gentle but meaningful.
It is many times frustrating because these ideas bubble over in my head and I don’t know where to begin. And N gently reminded me the other day, this sort of change takes time. It’s okay to marinade in this space of discomfort, pain and anger too. Till the right steps emerge.
It feels imperative right now.
I’m experiencing the very confusing coexistence of despair and hope all at once.
Its raining good and proper, finally. And it feels like a cleanse, a wiping of the slate clean. I’m so relieved. I feel hopeful to the brim right now. I’m savouring it.