Pulled a card for myself today, because I needed clarity around this pronounced unease that has surfaced in the last week or so, along with the strange return of someone once close to me that I moved away from, because I never felt seen/heard/loved around them.
But, even as I say “they”, the Two of Cups showed up to once again remind me that it takes two to tango. Both parties create a dynamic. While it may be about them and what they were able/not able to give me, it is also about me (or you).
I know this for sure, especially given the person I am talking about. I did the right thing recognise the dynamic, acknowledge honestly to myself (and to them) what was just not working for me, and move away. But there was something incomplete about the way in which it ended and I carry this desire to have the last word.
Being unseen then spoke of what I wasn’t seeing something in me. And as that same feeling re-surfaces now, I wonder what I am not seeing in myself now too.
The feeling of being unseen in that relationship, reflected my own blindness and refusal to step up to my own need for honesty and greater vulnerability from the other party. The thing is when you open your eyes to a deep need and voicing it is that there’s a 50-50 chance the other party will see it and be able to hold space for it in the way that you need. It could go either way.
I was heartbroken when my hunch that this wouldn’t happen was in fact confirmed. It made me completely move away, and as happy as that development has been, I do carry some disappointment and a sense of betrayal. Almost like everything we had before then was a lie. This is in fact true. A lot of it was indeed a lie, a charade, because I feel like we were playing at being friends, for as long as I was turning away form my intuition that constantly prodded me for more, but I continued to ignore it.
As we grow into our skin, we may outgrow people and situations. As we feel fuller in our own beings, we may often find the courage to move away from people who don’t see us fully for who we are. Sometimes the parting is amicable and natural, sometimes abrupt, discomfiting and leaves an unpleasant taste for years to come.
Either way, the wonderful thing about individuating in this manner is that it means you are ready to 1) let go of what no longer serves you 2) make space for new people who will be willing to see you fully.
The Two of Cups shows that sometimes we choose people who serve a very specific purpose. By refusing to see all of us, doubting, judging, being competitive with, mocking and rejecting us, they push us closer to accepting ourselves.
And when that purpose is served, we leave.
Being who you truly are involves walking alone (literally and metaphorically) for much of the journey. It comes with losing people and connection, over and over. I have known this for years, and even as my ease with accepting this grows, the fear of loss and loneliness, old hurt and abandonment resurfaces.
I am reliving that sense of betrayal and of recognising how unseen I was. And it is reminding me to check what I am turning away from, refusing to see currently. It brings unease, but it also serves to shine the light on my path again, reminding me that I must first stand in my power, see myself fully, for those who vibe at my frequency to see me fully.
If you’ve been experiencing unease, rejection or doubt in an intimate relationship, it’s a good time to check if there is something in you that you are rejecting. Is your intuition telling you something that you are not ready to acknowledge?
Back then it was the need for honesty and vulnerability for me. I knew it, i felt it, and yet I pushed it away.