As we move through transitions, like turning into a New Year, it’s typical to want to rush through them. We pressure ourselves to leave behind the old, cast it away and assign lofty goals for the days ahead. But what do you do when you’re moving through what has been a difficult season that’s asked for a lot of staying put? Waiting. Hoping. Uncertainty and not knowing?
What meanings do goals have then?
The Three of Wands here speaks to me of waiting. Not a passive, resigned waiting, or waiting in expectation, but active waiting fortified with acceptance and compassion, without the pressure of needing an external shift, big goals, aha moments and learnings. It’s okay if 2020 has been largely a dud. It’s okay if it didn;t inspire any frantic banana bread baking, if you didn’t pick up sourdough baking, didn’t find it in you to do home workouts or you learnt no new skills and didn’t end the year with a new home business. It’s okay if you weren’t productive at all.
Be more interested in what this waiting has been like within yourself. What has shifted internally? How can you hold space for what is still in transit, still emerging slowly?
If you ended 2020 feeling the loss of a whole year, sadness for your unmet goals/dreams, resentment for the “lapses” or return of old coping mechanisms, stuckness from being in limbo, may I suggest you allow yourself some time to look within. To see what has changed internally. To grieve losses, mark the changes, celebrate the joys and integrate all the experiences?
Many times in life, things do not move as fast as we would like. It is the same with therapy/healing. When the aha moments are elusive. At those times, it is more about consistently showing up for yourself, trusting the process, holding space for it. And waiting, with compassion. The rhythm of simply doing this is healing during unpredictable, haphazard times.
There is an Inuit word for it. “Qarrtsiluni: to sit together in the dark, waiting for something to happen.” I could try and learn this during this time of slow change, I thought.
Going into 2021, I hope that you’ll offer yourself some kindness and compassion. For getting through this time the best way you could. Allow yourself not to fret, rage and fight through the transition. Not to have any successes, and few or no goals. Just to wait a while, for something to emerge.
Happy new year, folks. Thank you for indulging my Monday messages, week after week. I hope some of you found resonance. Those of you who wrote in to let me know, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Really.
Due to a cancellation on 6th January, I have one last spot left on this offering: Looking Back and Looking Ahead. If you’d like in, please reach out to me.