An ongoing effort has been to be more, utterly and completey honest with myself. I say this a lot, and practice to a great degree. But lately I am trying to get deeper with it. To lay the smallest truth threadbare. Even if just to myself. Perhaps, especially to myself. To not say even the slightest thing on a whim, without an element of conscious honesty.
I feel like doing this for many reasons, but I think what has spurred it the most is the deep realisation that I have been most hurt by people who aren’t honest with themselves. It has always manifested as a dishonesty with/at me. But my own experiences with understanding myself has shown that at the heart of this is a great degree of unconscious dishonesty with the self. What I now call a state of living like we’re sleep-walking. When assumptions and aspirations become truth before they are actually lived and embodied.
And so I think now, if I can’t be honest with myself, I definitely don’t have a good shot at being honest with anyone, in any kind of relationship. So, I want to get better at this.